tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68130087575406617422024-03-13T16:25:01.811-04:00The Chronicles of Kick JamesOnce in a red moon, a kickball shaped red moon, the stars align and the universe brings together a group of individuals destined for greatness.
I'm Kick James and these are our stories.Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-70630771519752647002013-06-06T15:19:00.002-04:002013-06-06T15:19:27.685-04:00Familial TerritoryI'm puttin' it in the books!!!<br />
They're new books that say Tuesday on them... Tuesday, the shiniest of books (Except for Tuesdays with Maurie... that's depressing as shit).<br />
<br />
A new season begins gloriously ladies and gentlemen!<br />
<h3>
<b>I'm Kick James (1-0) 11, Our Grass is Blue 2</b> </h3>
<br />
It is no surprise for anyone associated with the formidable I'm Kick James Rochester Kickball club, that after Tuesday nights performance some lives were changed.<br />
<br />
I'm not saying my timeline is perfect or even based on reality, but let's start with the highlights!<br />
<br />
<h3>
MVP's</h3>
Based entirely on in game performance, Phil and Renee got engaged to be married during the game! Phil has been quoted as saying, "You gotta snag up a pitch like that, yo." Abruptly stopping the game between innings, Phil dropped to one knee and fashioned a ring out of long strands of grass. Thank god she said yes, Phil is not used to putting himself out there in front of a crowd.<br />
<br />
Congratulations to the happy couple and to many years of I'ming Kicking and Jamesing!<br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Close calls</h3>
Some old themes popped up throughout Tuesday nights performance.<br />
<br />
<b><u>Pride was torn from the clutching grasp of multiple Jamesers.</u></b>..<br />
<br />
Pearson thought he was a lock for MVP, his quick hands, nimble fingers and lightning reflexes led to a one man double play before single handedly 1,2, 3'ing an entire inning. Phil hates Pearson.<br />
<br />
"Brian" stepped into the Captains role quickly realizing it wasn't an easy job and that it is completely understandable that the captain praises themselves incessantly. First up kick of the season was the first Kick James home run of the season! I don't know what happened from there, but "Brian" didn't even get nominated to be the Captain... early signs of trouble for the new leader? Violent coup on the horizon?<br />
<br />
<u><b>Misogyny</b></u><br />
<br />
Despite her recent betrothal, Renee was not safe from the sex based aggression of our very own Shandy (what do you think, should we make it stick?) who tried his best to peg her in the face with the ball. <br />
<br />
The men of Kick James also must have done something to the ladies in the off season, as our very own Dingleberry left the team to "work", Sanchez had a baby in order to avoid the team, the Box Swan was nowhere to be found, Pee Ashley chose an Ivy League job over a kickball team, and Pooper Scooper purposefully worked late to avoid the game. We're eternally grateful for some...<br />
<br />
<h3>
New Faces</h3>
Kick James was decidedly small compared to it's typically ragingly ridiculous numbers. Audrey and Dods stepped in to offer their plums to the team.<br />
<br />
Jamie also broke the reigns of his creatively stifling Friday Kickball Team to add some much needed Miller Lite drinking to the team <br />
<br />
Brandon continues his love affair with the sideline, but wore a purple shirt to show support. <br />
<br />
In opposition to a quote that may or may not have been referring to him, a newly inspired and huggy Ben fought through years of shoulder pain to prove his love for Kick.<br />
<br />
Welcome, you've entered a new world, try to relax and just take it all in. Embrace the ambiance and ideologies, but whatever you do... do NOT pull a vagricept! <br />
<br />
<h3>
Ridiculousness</h3>
Amber Alert aka Jim is still the fastest to the sideline and it still looks "cool." We're all anxiously awaiting our first rainy game so we can get a showcase of those stems.<br />
<br />
Reports vary, but the noble opponents had either a tuba or a sousaphone with them, which is awesome. Upon hearing this, Jesse "No Pictures" promised a mini Vassar Brothers reunion throughout all the leftover games.<br />
<br />
The official wrote an official note to the Kickball League of Rochester citing the team cheer as almost certainly damning I'm Kick James for the rest of the season... and I quote.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"<i>They were a great team. I loved everything about them and I really felt like they were going to take the cup this year. Especially at the end when they got together and said. "Good game Our Grass is Blue..." that was perfect right there. But they didn't stop, I don't know what would compel them to keep talking after such a perfect game ending chant, but they kept going. "... and thank you officials." What's that shit? They don't need to thank me for doing my job. That's some pandering bullshit. They had it all, but I'm really scared they lost it. I think they did a prayer though, so that was nice.</i>" <br /><br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
- The Ump, dictated, not written</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
The team reportedly became uncharacteristically religious for a bit. Who are we to judge though, right? If your team prayer makes total sense and completely makes you feel better about who you are as a well rounded individual and close knit kickball team, then pray away, two three times a game. During stretches. Between innings. Whatever! Pray away!<br />
<br />
The showing at Marshall Street had some impressive numbers, but not nearly enough drinking, juke boxing, hugging, tots to go along with the shots, pictures, hula hooping, butt touching, or hugging. It's just the beginning... we'll wipe these cobwebs off and see you next Tuesday!Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-57218346497895235432013-06-03T21:31:00.003-04:002013-06-03T21:31:47.919-04:00"Kick James, am I" - A Basic Research Paper, sans the Research about the Intricacies of Developing, Fostering, Observing a Successfully Fun and Efficient Kickball Team. The Kick James Story. Foreword by Dingleberry<span dir="ltr" id=":18n">"Kick James, am I" - A Basic
Research Paper, sans the Research about the Intricacies of Developing,
Fostering, Observing a Successfully Fun and Efficient Kickball Team. The
Kick James Story.</span><br />
<div class="kl" dir="ltr" id=":1h0">
Foreword by Dingleberry<br />
<br />
First Draft: No research was harmed in the writing of this blog.<br />
<br />
I'm Kick James is a well oiled and fine tuned machine.<br />
As with any piece of equipment, the first version off the assembly line is far from the impeccable glistening specimen we all know and love today.<br />
<br />
It hasn't been all polish and glitter, some real elbow grease has gone into developing Kick into a James I'm interested in being a part of.<br />
<br />
Without further ado, let's start from the beginning.<br />
<br />
<h3>
<b>Team Development</b></h3>
<b><br /></b>
<b>Part I: Foundations</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Bringing the individuals together to form a team is not a willy nilly endeavor.<br />
<br />
The foundation of a team is not built on the individuals involved, on the contrary the individuals involved in a team must fit onto and support the foundation.<br />
<br />
When choosing the foundations for a Kickball organization, you must ask a few questions:<br />
<br />
1 - What kind of competitors do you want to be? Do you want to play to win, have fun, just hang out with friends, train for regionals, sing at nationals, qualifiers for the Hunger Games?<br />
<br />
2 - How much drinking should we encourage?<br />
<br />
3 - Should there be a blog?<br />
<br />
4 - Are we a team of friends first or a team first who may or may not be friends?<br />
<br />
My recommendations for the above foundations are as follows: Winning is fun, but being an asshole isn't, play for fun, winning is a bonus. Drink as much as you can without getting arrested. Yes, of course. and last but not least, we are friends first who happen to be on a kickball team.<br />
<br />
The entire team should have an active respect and understanding of this foundation. If they do not, they will be the wobbly brick that falls out and kills someones great aunt who was on the way to update her will that includes all of us and now we don't each get a house in the bahamas... thanks wobbly brick bastard!<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
<b>Part II: Assessment</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Now that the team has come together, it's time to assess strengths and weaknesses. Since we have already established that picking and choosing teammates based on ability is unnecessary (kicks before dicks, pals before punts, friends before triple plays... working on it) strengths and weaknesses are a combination of personality traits and how comfortable an individual is with their talent level, rather than their level of talent itself.<br />
<br />
When I speak of personality traits, I am mostly talking about level of competitiveness. As an established group of friends, it should go without saying that everyone has a working understanding of how to navigate through the variety of personalities present. The foundation established in Part I is not easy for everyone to get behind, which is extremely important to understand. A great many of us have something brewing beneath their law degree or comb over hair or what have you, that tells them winning is a necessity and anything goes in order to get there. This is not an issue of overcoming or changing these traits, but working with the traits in order to find a happy medium where they feel heard, properly respected, and are still a part of a team where winning is a value if not a requirement.<br />
<br />
This is accomplished with some patience, conversation, and encouragement.<br />
<br />
A leopard can not change his spots. It will eat your fucking face. But if you put them in a position where they can productively compete, even on a personal, if not a full team level (first base, shortstop) they are getting some of the adrenaline they need.<br />
<br />
When aggression takes over, it is not to be scolded or made to feel ostracized. Why is the aggression taking over? What happened? Who needs a hug? This is a prime example of talking through a situation reminding both the individual and the team at large who we are, why we're here and where our focus should be.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, in the great game of kickball these antagonizing factors are most often the opponents themselves, but also primarily taken out on teammates. We all do it. We're human. Accept it, apologize, hug the shit out of Sweeney, he doesn't like being yelled at. It makes him sad.<br />
<br />
Opponents should have fun because you are having fun.<br />
Games should end, win or lose, with both teams feeling primarily pleased and satisfied for the adult interaction of the last hour of their lives.<br />
<br />
If opponents refuse to have fun because they are douche nozzels, the only thing to do is light mockery (focus on the light) and increase the fun level your team is currently having. This can typically be accomplished with increased drinking, hugging, or singing.<br />
<br />
Lesson learned: Vast changes to the fielding line up freak people out. It is fun for those making the changes, but stresses other people out. Namely the team captain and other individuals who might be forced into a new fielding position where they are not comfortable: A Kickball Team should be focused on team happiness and satisfaction, there is no individual in team or else it would be spelled tindividualeam and that looks ridiculous.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Part III: Camaraderie </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
This brings us perfectly to the third part of our foundations.<br />
<br />
Team: <i>This is where I was the last time blogger saved what I had written before my computer froze. I had written for another half hour and there was a whole lot more gold. NowI'm frustrated and I don't feel like doing it all over again, so this is what you get. I'll finish the rest later. It was good too. Really really good. </i><br />
<br />
I'm Kick James and I won't be around all that much this season, but I will be there in spirit. Since I assume you all look at me as your leader, mentor and inspiration, a Jesus or Buddah figure if you will, try to think of me often. When you are frustrated, ask yourself, what would Thomas do? When you are in need of direction, think of me and my warm eyes and loving life perspective. When you succeed, say a silent thank you and know that it was probably because of something I did or taught you. If something doesn't go well or ends poorly, now it is because you did something I wouldn't have done. Don't forget to stretch. Don't forget to hug. In all situations, Love Each Other.<br />
<br />
No... we're Kick James.</div>
Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-88919589706854952342012-10-16T10:46:00.002-04:002012-10-16T10:46:55.619-04:00How to get things doneHi Kick James<br />
<br />
It's me, Thomas.<br />
<br />
Last Thursday we embarked in what could have been the greatest challenge the entire world has ever seen!<br />
<br />
It was not.<br />
<br />
Instead, those fortunate enough to be present bore witness to a kickball clinic of epic proportions.<br />
<br />
<b>I'm Kick James (6-1) 13, Amish Riflemen (5-2) 2</b><br />
<br />
<b>MVP's</b><br />
<br />
<b>Ben, Phil, Laura </b>(was robbed by... hmm, we'll say highway bandits)<br />
<br />
Rising from the decreasing shadows of Pearson and Loic (thank's cross fit) Ben emerged once again as our hero. Two kicks, one run, couple RKI's, a double play, and all without abusing any women! If he keeps it up, he might even be asked to come back next season... you know how selective we are and how carefully we choose who represents Kick James.<br />
<br />
I think this season we only have three sex offenders!<br />
<br />
Phil has been relatively quiet... for the greatest actor of our generation! Until Thursday. Last week Phil's typically consistent play erupted into extremely consistent play. Three kicks. Three runs. Couple plays in the field. Excellent attitude. Gigantic testicles... frighteningly big... gross.<br />
<br />
Laura not only had a great kick, but she ended up scoring as well. She played really well and should have been the MVP, but with such a great game it was hard to choose.<br />
<br />
<b>Stooooooooorrrrrrriiiiiiieeeeeeees</b><br />
<br />
So as I was saying at the beginning. We played some F'n great kickball. We played it hard. We played it tight. As was stated in our pre game pep talk... we played it sexy.<br />
<b> </b><br />
Our ladies made some great moves. Scoring some runs, consistently getting on base, Amelia getting hit with the ball. Katie's boyfriend Brandon being reminded of the greatness of Kick James.<br />
<b> </b><br />
Pearson and his doppleganger from the other team (you could only tell him apart by his bandana and lack of humor) went back and forth getting each other out and slapping each others tushes. It. Was. Adorable.<br />
<br />
Happy Birthday Pearson! May all your wildest dreams come true... on the kickball field and in your kick ball related life.<br />
<br />
So here we are... at the precipice of the next stages of evolution. We won our division, beating a team with the same record and less runs against by a significant margin. As we move forward, we are slated, destined even, to repeat history. This Thursday we will once again meet the Amish Riflemen on the field of battle. If we do what we did this week. Hold on to the love, passion and integrity that has made us the men and women we are. Then we have a change. God dammit we could rule this world! I don't believe in the Beatles... I just believe in Kick James.<br />
<br />
<br />Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-77857005537216945722012-10-12T10:02:00.000-04:002012-10-12T11:01:53.418-04:00Two Weeks Ago: By the Dingleberry<!--[if !mso]>
<style>
v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);}
o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);}
w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);}
.shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);}
</style>
<![endif]--><span style="color: white;"><br /></span>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:DoNotOptimizeForBrowser/>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:none;
mso-hyphenate:none;
text-autospace:ideograph-other;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";
mso-bidi-font-family:Mangal;
mso-font-kerning:1.5pt;
mso-fareast-language:ZH-CN;
mso-bidi-language:HI;}
</style>
<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapedefaults v:ext="edit" spidmax="1034"/>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapelayout v:ext="edit">
<o:idmap v:ext="edit" data="1"/>
</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;">Prologue: </span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;">Why hello.</span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;">Yes, it has been a while. Yes, you look as lovely as the sun glistening off the morning dew. Yes, I know I look even better and I thank you for acknowledging that in this large group of friends and people currently judging us. It's been a crazy couple of weeks and in all honesty an insanely busy semester. Guest blogger Laura "Dingleberry" submitted her entry to the Chronicles of Kick James in due time, but alas, I could not put it together quickly enough.</span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br clear="ALL" style="mso-ignore: vglayout;" /></span>
<span style="color: white;"></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;">So here it is folks, granted, we won another game last night, the division title in fact, but that's a story for a later time. Until then. I offer you this: The story of two weeks ago. A new MVP, rising from the ashes of Pearson... A bunter, born from blunder... chicks man... chicks.</span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br clear="ALL" style="mso-ignore: vglayout;" /></span>
<span style="color: white;"></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br clear="ALL" style="mso-ignore: vglayout;" /></span>
<span style="color: white;"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcEQ3HWx09DLKfl3z-ad7i0ktstBaspTGIaZoCMKc4_PKVq3xWEk3n4GCvqU5udXB4jEnWirf2-yzXBmUCcnPMTeTqjQPCZ3mj_azpGhgsZxwGq0p5CZxYyO-2JCd8hClzC_994XYEznc/s1600/sun.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcEQ3HWx09DLKfl3z-ad7i0ktstBaspTGIaZoCMKc4_PKVq3xWEk3n4GCvqU5udXB4jEnWirf2-yzXBmUCcnPMTeTqjQPCZ3mj_azpGhgsZxwGq0p5CZxYyO-2JCd8hClzC_994XYEznc/s320/sun.png" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">As a guest to this blog, I would like to thank everyone for
the opportunity to develop myself and further my career as a guest blogger. I
would also like to thank my family for their love and support while always
pushing me (literally, not figuratively). I would like to thank my friends who
always lend me an ear and constantly encourage me to pursue my dreams. I </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">would</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">also</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">like</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">to</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 6.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">thank...</span></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">Now on to bigger and better topics: Kickball. I am Kick
James and we kick some serious bottom. I give everyone a big pat on the back.
Well, no not really... So everyone raise their own hands and pat yourself on
the back. And while we are at it go ahead and wrap your arms around yourself
and give you a hug. No stop, because you look silly (but it feels better now
doesn't it).</span></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3ptusUnIKuIq8IXhCxKT14aV-i1GIqpWcJ0xHUGEpJHXi1xl5ncnNdd3CF0mq39SdHGy60SXZ77RT0xUUgshGgoU0OTs4VmKg2j0-oH9smdrN1lV7KxW3OmpEds82vzrKz611CRyOMFo/s1600/me+gusta.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3ptusUnIKuIq8IXhCxKT14aV-i1GIqpWcJ0xHUGEpJHXi1xl5ncnNdd3CF0mq39SdHGy60SXZ77RT0xUUgshGgoU0OTs4VmKg2j0-oH9smdrN1lV7KxW3OmpEds82vzrKz611CRyOMFo/s320/me+gusta.png" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br clear="ALL" style="mso-ignore: vglayout;" /></span>
<span style="color: white;"></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">Honorable mentions go out to the two MVPs of the week: Ben
and Tim (*insert cheers for Tom here).</span></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGf5UMP_Wa-6vcbtq9WhYt-9tX-HI1YPMbnlcLBYDJ9teoQ7pKKK8efKYlkFmbr7gLuqmgFPgORyg88Qabp-j7fVm1loIF7HTK1LIlane6nbMF2cvVsTYVYu3DlmbQlSRXfcYgXHw1XKI/s1600/ming.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGf5UMP_Wa-6vcbtq9WhYt-9tX-HI1YPMbnlcLBYDJ9teoQ7pKKK8efKYlkFmbr7gLuqmgFPgORyg88Qabp-j7fVm1loIF7HTK1LIlane6nbMF2cvVsTYVYu3DlmbQlSRXfcYgXHw1XKI/s320/ming.png" width="247" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;">Pictured: I don't know, but I like it... TC</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"><b>Ben</b>: Two
triples. 4 RKIs. Amazing plays- including hitting a girl in the face. Hats
off (in other words<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>this is where you
tip your red hat that you have on right now, because I KNOW you are wearing one
right now because you are that excited about kickball. All. The. Time.).</span></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"><b>Tim</b>: Two
pop ball outs in the first inning. We all give you 'Kick James' karma points
for catching our foul ball on the sideline while the other team's girl on first
called it during the bottom of the forth, saving us from an out (first one to
everything, figures). We also give you 'Cooper' karma for catching the ball
over her head as the ball would have most definitely smooshed the little one in
the outfield.</span></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Editors Note: The MVP was largely due to the fuckling... more on that later, I'm sure.</i></span> </span></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br clear="ALL" style="mso-ignore: vglayout;" /></span>
<span style="color: white;"></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">Now, in honor of some of the events that happened last
Thursday (in no specific order):</span></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIM7VojCpQBTlY2NuUmkMzjwWYxXFRhtauZ3sIxa_LBW2UzWtJOQQTtBb3fNCUEwQPfiaWvHztyzg-tzK2cOm2GbIJzIDR9ZKVdOannmByYJpTQ-xVHeHogkgaIDGl_KgqoRkzzcTvcf0/s1600/SCUM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIM7VojCpQBTlY2NuUmkMzjwWYxXFRhtauZ3sIxa_LBW2UzWtJOQQTtBb3fNCUEwQPfiaWvHztyzg-tzK2cOm2GbIJzIDR9ZKVdOannmByYJpTQ-xVHeHogkgaIDGl_KgqoRkzzcTvcf0/s320/SCUM.png" width="320" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;">Editor's Note: Scumbag Steve is one of my favorite Meme's</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"><b>Scumbag Brian</b>: He may not have had his red cap turned sideways, or his underwear
showing above his shorts, but Scumbag Butterfingers Boy Erin "Brian" Brian exhibited a number of
qualities last week that are in no way condoned by the Kick James community- so,
shame on you Brian, try better next week. </span></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">(*feel free to insert a boo here).</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3GYwofZ1MsqUH68CTwAEU5DsZYOQyWCNUxDpd4LWCY_xKktQoQ7hQUrldFFSCwzeyuX1jSBczFDBvXK3TzA9sWN3IurWJ-HsuHTqOJErdrHXa3GgWh3tJrjAV5I-KI1YazjAHPiltEbY/s1600/GOOD+GUY.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3GYwofZ1MsqUH68CTwAEU5DsZYOQyWCNUxDpd4LWCY_xKktQoQ7hQUrldFFSCwzeyuX1jSBczFDBvXK3TzA9sWN3IurWJ-HsuHTqOJErdrHXa3GgWh3tJrjAV5I-KI1YazjAHPiltEbY/s320/GOOD+GUY.png" width="320" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;">Editor's Note: This guy is a perfect combination</span><br />
<span style="color: white;">of Ben, Loic, and my high school Dean Mr. DeBarbieri</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"><b>'Good
Guy' Loic</b>: </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">As the antithesis of Scumbag Brian, Good Guy Loic
emulated himself as a kind, generous and empathetic teammate on and off the
field.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"> This was exhibited a number of times, but it
would be too time consuming for you, the kind reader, to be bothered with all
his good deeds. So mentioning a few: Good Guy Loic would throw the ball back to
the other team's pitcher as opposed to watching it simply roll by the plate on
it's way back to the catcher. He would run the ball in from the outfield as
opposed to causing the agony of another teammate to have to play in the
infield. He also successfully got the ref to say “boobie” which we were all
secretly anxiously waiting for. (p.s. Nice tag Loic, I thus challenge everyone
in the future to get the ref to say “boobie” at least once during every game).</span></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0jFC3XyE8YZ_l9u6Pp0gFYM2uqBCi1iUmRSD-e02AZqW73X56IoVEdISBJcK7o_eVQKATZZwm5MWYXuUsQHdteWz3jWdAyu8sMLqgFayDeb0rpPQnhva_CL7-RRK75QQFoFmv4uvKcO0/s1600/challenge.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0jFC3XyE8YZ_l9u6Pp0gFYM2uqBCi1iUmRSD-e02AZqW73X56IoVEdISBJcK7o_eVQKATZZwm5MWYXuUsQHdteWz3jWdAyu8sMLqgFayDeb0rpPQnhva_CL7-RRK75QQFoFmv4uvKcO0/s200/challenge.png" width="200" /></a></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="mso-ignore: vglayout;">
</span></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td height="0" width="170"><br /></td></tr>
<tr><td><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></td><td><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"> </span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"><b>Christina
and Renee</b>: A big Kick James congratulations goes out to the both of you. </span></span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">a).
Chris for making your first run and score! W00T. </span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">b). Renee for getting on base
for the first time in Kick James! W00T W00T.</span></span></li>
</ul>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">*below is how I secretly feel however:</span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSQokujgcTR0MTAZ6T8ovkVzx-TBum-d7tEVmwqAWdBB2N1ZaU7tnxOAcXIZpWSW4dm7QbXwpnXX3QRfnbyLdQZ_dt71JSsZqQdsZOGfhstKEpd_Xyhyphenhyphener9OcrpH64tzSxTc0BKt_GNPA/s1600/ragecomic1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSQokujgcTR0MTAZ6T8ovkVzx-TBum-d7tEVmwqAWdBB2N1ZaU7tnxOAcXIZpWSW4dm7QbXwpnXX3QRfnbyLdQZ_dt71JSsZqQdsZOGfhstKEpd_Xyhyphenhyphener9OcrpH64tzSxTc0BKt_GNPA/s1600/ragecomic1.png" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;">Editor's Note: Laura might spend too much time on Reddit. </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br clear="ALL" style="mso-ignore: vglayout;" /></span>
<span style="color: white;"></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipB36yedoPkSvnd_3G4xYyx4_5f8HQxJ3tuJrVwaK_ik1USPhjd5NJU6KUDhmQsHmotkh-LAbT-Ck6-795sYd6LSQaqL1cYboSphor2zy-SZ3kQHl3sYSDgIlPIQtIq8XgS8wSG6xB9u0/s1600/cereal.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipB36yedoPkSvnd_3G4xYyx4_5f8HQxJ3tuJrVwaK_ik1USPhjd5NJU6KUDhmQsHmotkh-LAbT-Ck6-795sYd6LSQaqL1cYboSphor2zy-SZ3kQHl3sYSDgIlPIQtIq8XgS8wSG6xB9u0/s200/cereal.png" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"><b>Guy on
other team</b>: 'Girl Brian' gets karma points for successfully psyching/striking
out guy on other team, who couldn't quite comprehend that fact that you have to
actually kick behind the plate. Perhaps he was stunned by your beauty, or
perhaps he has a visual deficiency and can't see home plate, or perhaps he was
playing opposite day and when we said that he has to kick behind the plate he
actually HAD to kick in front of the plate because otherwise he would have
ceased to exist. Whatever the reason, 'Girl Brian' wins. #WINNING.</span></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br clear="ALL" style="mso-ignore: vglayout;" /></span>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"><b>Tom, Captain, Oh
my captain</b>: 'fuckling' is a weird word (*insert fingers air-ball-tickling
here).</span></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEYwdHobranowx9ggtB6Y1uddCrMRgCFscAOiCcFqzvp-Gu89uKM8oUaAvkopgi_q7zoPTVuvoL5-kitRWR1ZRoafZRAwycjqZt170H3_3mtm9DQuizfzmWsOhcnROZiJIu8NFHhZ02dY/s1600/philos.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEYwdHobranowx9ggtB6Y1uddCrMRgCFscAOiCcFqzvp-Gu89uKM8oUaAvkopgi_q7zoPTVuvoL5-kitRWR1ZRoafZRAwycjqZt170H3_3mtm9DQuizfzmWsOhcnROZiJIu8NFHhZ02dY/s320/philos.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-no-proof: yes;"><img height="2" src="file:///C:\Users\chew\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\clip_image018.gif" width="1" /></span><span style="mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-no-proof: yes;"><img height="2" src="file:///C:\Users\chew\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\clip_image018.gif" width="1" /></span></span></div>
Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-32432013296440737872012-10-03T09:59:00.000-04:002012-10-03T09:59:23.618-04:00Things. Got. Weird<h2>
I'm Kick James (4-1) 8 , Catch This (2-3) 4</h2>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVhStxa-hFn19-PILEoFJ6HBdah0plLFcWqyHhgEO-ueGuhMe2MmjQV_XucNelv-p6GQrhrzvqvM8EYIct81wVN7NGsc2VDeeWP93g4Wh4ekmXsEv5tCVe-csotnyP1_zHVWv602s3LC0/s1600/catch+this.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVhStxa-hFn19-PILEoFJ6HBdah0plLFcWqyHhgEO-ueGuhMe2MmjQV_XucNelv-p6GQrhrzvqvM8EYIct81wVN7NGsc2VDeeWP93g4Wh4ekmXsEv5tCVe-csotnyP1_zHVWv602s3LC0/s1600/catch+this.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: The first image that pops up when you google search "Catch This"<br />That's Hilary Swank in all her mannish glory. <br />She. Is. The. Second. Worst. Behind. Renee. Zellweger.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<h3>
So let's discuss last Thursday... <br />was my first inclination, but maybe we should forget it?</h3>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-tivgkzYHOI7sgid1Avd9HP-5HJpP1DjPLbcqzmVlamfipNwZ7GIKUTsEDOf0vN_Yr3Xy8gCd4FCr2voIKtW1tLFNKqq7iYW_1sSjr7JGHOIqlBgXQPUuX7Bzd-kim8PkMbqlddABkbY/s1600/mr+sweeney.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-tivgkzYHOI7sgid1Avd9HP-5HJpP1DjPLbcqzmVlamfipNwZ7GIKUTsEDOf0vN_Yr3Xy8gCd4FCr2voIKtW1tLFNKqq7iYW_1sSjr7JGHOIqlBgXQPUuX7Bzd-kim8PkMbqlddABkbY/s200/mr+sweeney.jpg" width="148" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Pictured: Future Sweeney... <br />according to Google</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Discuss, okay, we'll discuss.<br />
<br />
<br />
Even the <b>MVP </b>selection was a cluster fuck, but pulling it out (for once) was was <b>Mr. Sweeney</b>.<br />
<br />
<br />
1,000 Thank you's to Mr. Sweeney for the inning of Sweeney where you caught everything that came near you and the ball that was gently kicked directly to me, for the 20 beers your pounded, for your color commentary, your home run, and for the butt tickly you gave Pearson.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghaw7D74J8XtAUJ2JAlVEDIW-9imkeDp-MYCupksZXAOuTe9vQm8fneQvXoGXld0fK9MDw1CIRA1OpyHKwEJZY_Qyh3Pjp_PzdMqYN7s_8x3u_jfXCm8le9UOjBNFSEgOs1lLAIbRuoaE/s1600/laura+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghaw7D74J8XtAUJ2JAlVEDIW-9imkeDp-MYCupksZXAOuTe9vQm8fneQvXoGXld0fK9MDw1CIRA1OpyHKwEJZY_Qyh3Pjp_PzdMqYN7s_8x3u_jfXCm8le9UOjBNFSEgOs1lLAIbRuoaE/s1600/laura+2.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Pictured: Past, Present and Future Laura...</i><br /><i>According to Google. Score: Laura 1, Sweeney -6</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Laura </b>classed up the MVP round up prancing into our hearts with base kicks, RKI's and uncomfortable laughter after Ben makes comments to the ref about racism... Classic Ben.<br />
<br />
Icing was relatively prevalent as both "Brian" and I were successfully iced. "Boy Erin" tried to get out of it again, but the jeering leers conjoled him to concede.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAPgX0Hf0-a_Dc0CakvgOYQGonWwn2hQ1zRvf-qrZO7SC4rM1WtBazJvR82XMuVCbu0jWPaap7ku8jHi5Arjzqr2ax4_LrQF4y3G5qlfZxJ06s2v_vFweTZrZ4sKavGutRUzTABVDtDi8/s1600/psycho+eyes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAPgX0Hf0-a_Dc0CakvgOYQGonWwn2hQ1zRvf-qrZO7SC4rM1WtBazJvR82XMuVCbu0jWPaap7ku8jHi5Arjzqr2ax4_LrQF4y3G5qlfZxJ06s2v_vFweTZrZ4sKavGutRUzTABVDtDi8/s1600/psycho+eyes.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Pictured: "Brian's" eyes were three times as crazy.</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
"Brian Boy Erin" had quite the day with a lead off home run, the aforementioned icing, an outstanding double play thanks to Erin and Ben, and then going completely off the rails with crazy psycho eyes and absolutely lambasting a young woman as she tried to play a non-violent game of kickball. I was closest to Brian when he made the play. I saw the hate in his eyes. The bloodlust was terrifying. It was an excellent throw and since I'm not willing to bring his wrath (ie. the object of all nightmares) upon myself, I will just say that she had it coming and "Brian" did a great job. Please, please don't hurt me.<br />
<br />
Sandy had an interesting day between catching rockets kicked to his face and completely not trying.<br />
<br />
Accusations of "Fuckling" were thrown out like glitter and lube at Loic's pride themed birthday parties... great time, every year. Sandy was accused of fuckling, I think someone said I fuckled, Tim "Overthrow Timmy" was accused of fuckling and at some point called a rampant asshole. That was clearly resolved when it was determined that Tim is merely a Haphazard Asshole, and genuinely a nice fella the majority of the time. He did lose a shotgun though, so that must have been one of the asshole moments... or a fluke. He totally made up for it when he hit Brian with the ball avenging the girl from the other team who was still bleeding on the sidelines.<br />
<br />
Gabe won his shotgun in excellent form, terrifying the mother of his unborn child with his drunken prowess. <br />
<br />
Pearson and Shelley got sexy all over each other. I mean sexist, it wasn't sexy, he stole the ball right right her and took away her vote. <br />
<br />
We're back at it again tomorrow... because I am terrible at getting the blog out in a timely fashion. Next week guest blogger Dingleberry will delight us with her prose and try to steal my job and your hearts!Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-39022199789825801042012-09-26T15:11:00.002-04:002012-09-26T15:11:24.194-04:00Headlines!!!<h3>
I'm Kick James Wins a Battle Against the AARP!!</h3>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I'm Kick James 8, Swift Kick In the Grass 1</b></div>
<br />
<h2>
MVP's - </h2>
<h3>
Tips, Falls, and Holding Balls! Pearson earns his second MVP honor this season!</h3>
<h3>
It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's a Bald Man in his 30's Sprinting Everywhere! </h3>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">
(But he got a Home Run, so it's okay!)</h4>
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Overzealous Green Gloved Goon Grapples his Girth into Kick James's Gut!</h3>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">
Chris from the other team earns MVP honors.</h4>
<h3>
</h3>
<h2>
Bid Tits From Around the League </h2>
When Pearson messes up, Brian gently cleans him up and powders his bum.<br />
<br />
Thomas looks funny when he catches balls at 3rd base... and when he is receiving gifts. He is not a good gift getter.<br />
<br />
Loic's testicles were fondled at first base. No files were charged. He's a better man for it.<br />
<br />
Tim overthrew a ball and lost a shotgun challenge terribly thanks to the NFL Replacement Refs. It was a sad day in Tim's life and he'll never be the same. He was also donned "The New Jesse" at one point and sexually harassed "Boy Erin" in the field, the way dudes often sexually harass ladies on our team, thus emasculating "Brian" and making all the bad stuff totally worth while.Well done Tim, great day overall.<br />
<br />
Shelley fields a bunt like Nolan Ryan: bare handed, dip in her lip, huge penis... reportedly. <br />
<br />
"Boy Erin" won his challenge... finally.<br />
He was also Iced in historic fashion after cowardly denying being iced close to 1000 times when he was obviously iced, but he said he had a tummy ache and nobody believed him because he is a filthy liar who lies for fun. He's also an excellent kickball player and one of my best friends.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0vuX7emCrwK6tPwyhvtFX15-7Ae1Use5FS5XHCsWiT3zx1Rl2d7Jte1QVW85RI0GBcUAUZb_5UYL8rFDow6Oea6hH6P_n02qEqdR9T0Y9e8YiMwiuE_pQxdk7Xq7u9s5fnt0lY9y1P44/s1600/20120920_191531.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0vuX7emCrwK6tPwyhvtFX15-7Ae1Use5FS5XHCsWiT3zx1Rl2d7Jte1QVW85RI0GBcUAUZb_5UYL8rFDow6Oea6hH6P_n02qEqdR9T0Y9e8YiMwiuE_pQxdk7Xq7u9s5fnt0lY9y1P44/s320/20120920_191531.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: Friendship</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In another bout of <strike>pussitude </strike>conviction Jesse aka "the old Tim" tried again and earned an MVP nod, which he immediately denied because of his bleeding <strike>vagina </strike>heart.<br />
<br />
Sweeney was made fun of for going Zero-For-Life (entirely by me), but it was really mean and ended up being too much. He didn't stay at the bar afterwards because of the shame and pent up anger. You guys should be ashamed (of me) or embrace your callousness and mock him until he lives up to his potential... like a good parent.<br />
<br />
Good Cover Loic!<br />
<br />
Let's do it again tomorrow.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-18891612436406745002012-09-19T09:24:00.003-04:002012-09-19T09:24:40.424-04:00A Day Late and a Run or Two ShortSo typically in this rare instance that Kick James falls to their evil opponents, I will write something that tries to explain and get into the philosophical meaning behind our loss. It will be long, well thought out, incredibly deep thoughtful and borderline brilliant.<br />
<br />
Everyone will hate it.<br />
<br />
F you guys.<br />
<br />
So this time it's going to be different. I'm not going to open my notebook.<br />
<br />
Almost a week has gone by and I am going to simply write what I remember. It's going to be awesome:<br />
<br />
<b>I'm Kick James (2-1) 5, There's No Beer in Heaven So We Have a Terrible Team Name (1-2) 6</b><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgSjufdueH1zDm1ly5qbdFeXt61x2eJrIteO87WVUQDtKcqOVeSU5Pc6i1kSgexqa3CJSD7Pq32-2s3RAGfymsT-uSW_F4MRzXuStJQHtra5HLQfMQU0st67JgVt664Z9Oh8GPQOXbViY/s1600/101_4720.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgSjufdueH1zDm1ly5qbdFeXt61x2eJrIteO87WVUQDtKcqOVeSU5Pc6i1kSgexqa3CJSD7Pq32-2s3RAGfymsT-uSW_F4MRzXuStJQHtra5HLQfMQU0st67JgVt664Z9Oh8GPQOXbViY/s320/101_4720.JPG" width="268" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Pictured</b>: Jess trying. Thomas looking svelt. Pearson's butt. <br />Brian walking away... assumingly in shame. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>MVP's</b><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Jesse</b> tried!!! I guess I always assumed Jesse was trying, but he was easily distracted, like a 3rd grader. No, that wasn't the case at all. Before the game started Jesse took two large steps onto the picnic table, placed his hands triumphantly on his hips, Supereman like, and announced in his booming vibrato, " Today... I will try! You know, see how I like it." I hope he liked it, because he did awesome.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfZ9-NORAlnZeiyfBdyBquef1X6UZ1ih4OPCvWXpUb22aJ7YnSJqQB82-a0sTI-uN2Kl-rZyqrKeGcSWhj7JCM9r0xaYewi2kvS5VM8l2mdHuYG3yQl01OA3NQBcM0ee6eOwmOG9tNqiQ/s1600/101_4734.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="279" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfZ9-NORAlnZeiyfBdyBquef1X6UZ1ih4OPCvWXpUb22aJ7YnSJqQB82-a0sTI-uN2Kl-rZyqrKeGcSWhj7JCM9r0xaYewi2kvS5VM8l2mdHuYG3yQl01OA3NQBcM0ee6eOwmOG9tNqiQ/s320/101_4734.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: MVP!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Amelia </b>was our other MVP, dominating in the outfield. Granted sexism played a pretty big part in the day between Sweeney and Phil mocking what the called the lesser or second sex. "I don't care if she caught those other two balls," said Sweeney. "I need to push her to the ground and steal this third one so she can't fully enjoy the glory of her inning. F her everyone, am I right?"<br />
<br />
He was not right<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Phil also spit directly in Shelley's face as he stole a play right out from under her. It was gross.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ0JSX1P3a7WfZzmzDGZc9XbGqDLpkAaQqbfsqUjDmcBhRlvspzjxcSh2IIBgrkW4XvSzIL9HGmUS24PmFvQCK_Y5Z97HM90MrnsL6N_sMF-PK16gH8ngXK-R-l2ZxviuKjPqUxBk-3H8/s1600/101_4710.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ0JSX1P3a7WfZzmzDGZc9XbGqDLpkAaQqbfsqUjDmcBhRlvspzjxcSh2IIBgrkW4XvSzIL9HGmUS24PmFvQCK_Y5Z97HM90MrnsL6N_sMF-PK16gH8ngXK-R-l2ZxviuKjPqUxBk-3H8/s320/101_4710.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There was no dirt... that's just how fast Tim pitches.<br />Also make fun of how much it looks like Gabe is pooping in the above picture.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Let's see what else I remember...<br />
<br />
Huge group at Marshall, let's keep that up.<br />
<br />
Tim struck out by fouls, but it was still a strike out so that's hilarious. Make fun of him accordingly.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdwwCe8FCCxv8bc88wUxgNsXRa7wsbBvjnIS8BbJ6XX9bieSQ1eB-lw3_V4uVvBkKB8MnzFtK8IhDtkR6qcHAkeGEqcJ4Cqx96fF5LhlYw740rQRy3mrV1Llczwq0Fx5ew0dT3Tf6tx2s/s1600/101_4713.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdwwCe8FCCxv8bc88wUxgNsXRa7wsbBvjnIS8BbJ6XX9bieSQ1eB-lw3_V4uVvBkKB8MnzFtK8IhDtkR6qcHAkeGEqcJ4Cqx96fF5LhlYw740rQRy3mrV1Llczwq0Fx5ew0dT3Tf6tx2s/s320/101_4713.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Pictured</b>: Perfect form all around.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
At some point I think Brian got a sweet double play.<br />
<br />
<br />
Laura showed off her speed prancing.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhorppm8YzHYYUEjpY4isVscIoTV__XGMFaAcgFogSEMx213DuXEwZ3cavgTbS5GGNKSxyFUl5znmEe9o21f_Lh_TibfuZbTadpMmFVEYMA7qZhwrrXTTfJ_dUcox86xreVEOD3_XaThY0/s1600/101_4735.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhorppm8YzHYYUEjpY4isVscIoTV__XGMFaAcgFogSEMx213DuXEwZ3cavgTbS5GGNKSxyFUl5znmEe9o21f_Lh_TibfuZbTadpMmFVEYMA7qZhwrrXTTfJ_dUcox86xreVEOD3_XaThY0/s320/101_4735.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: The only victory of the day. Friendship doesn't count.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Gabe narrowly defeated his shotgun opponent, but still needs to work on spillage opening his beer (classic Gabe).<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghVQJdxkeqo4nJr4BmPF4JOjpeoWxcW4H8jwY-06oUY_tmUprihgDzT5gbUdIbBevB-wHVZFm2NTtcOMOZOMjawll1eafXj20KJPYdhrdRWng7jJpYs31qRV7_qn8EhfDrOr-s-zD0Sq0/s1600/101_4730.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghVQJdxkeqo4nJr4BmPF4JOjpeoWxcW4H8jwY-06oUY_tmUprihgDzT5gbUdIbBevB-wHVZFm2NTtcOMOZOMjawll1eafXj20KJPYdhrdRWng7jJpYs31qRV7_qn8EhfDrOr-s-zD0Sq0/s320/101_4730.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Pictured</b>: Form 2.0</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Ben planted a grenade between the legs of a person running to third.
Went for the tag, ball ended up between her legs and now they have a
baby together. Isn't that how it works? That's what Jenna and I did.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
So how do we heal this wound? We lost a game... not a big deal. Kick James is all about fun and we had some f'n fun. Most fun I've ever had in a loss actually, unless you count the post game after our first trip to playoffs.<br />
<br />
I think we're in an odd paradox with Kick James. We have 42 players on our team. It's ridiculous and we're ridiculous... points for fun. We're also very very good at kickball. We don't necessarily try (except for Jesse now) and we still win games... points for competitive. As your captain (read: leader/hero/messiah) I see it as my job to help blend those lines. Not an easy task ladies and gentlemen, not an easy task at all.<br />
<br />
I think I've settled on this: we're going to have fun no matter what. We are fun people, great friends, and excellent looking/super sexually appealing to the rest of the world. Our levels of talent, competitiveness and booze intake vary quite broadly so let's focus on supporting each other and having fun like we have been doing. Let's try to win, but we all know we don't need to win. When you're feeling too competitive... shotgun a beer or give someone a hug. When you're feeling not competitive enough, don't just throw your hands up and decide to screw the pooch, look at someone who is super competitive and think of how they feel and how hard it is for them to keep their anger boner hidden. Kick James is all about balance. When all else fails, hug someone.<br />
<br />
If that doesn't work, you need therapy.<br />
<br />
If that doesn't work, you should start second guessing the system... they don't know me, who do they think they are, get out of my head Dr. Reynolds. You're not my dad!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Good day to you.Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-81635591802811550282012-09-07T12:14:00.001-04:002012-09-07T14:46:18.599-04:00Smitty, Good Back Up......and other stories... all that and more on this weeks edition of:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7v5f7U8oBtj-sp1y4nekXPTsgqukPZZNAkK8an9gHAFwxe4xDWWCe4R-CK-vQimTB-nQqcEp1McbIOU12GXqPpFHvpWnGxX6iNPtOvLv3K-aGawDVyB2M2U8mFawB1Gn0EpQYzmQMsyw/s1600/tumblr_m75ecvC78r1rwv2jao1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7v5f7U8oBtj-sp1y4nekXPTsgqukPZZNAkK8an9gHAFwxe4xDWWCe4R-CK-vQimTB-nQqcEp1McbIOU12GXqPpFHvpWnGxX6iNPtOvLv3K-aGawDVyB2M2U8mFawB1Gn0EpQYzmQMsyw/s1600/tumblr_m75ecvC78r1rwv2jao1_500.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: 1/3 of Kick James... before we put our uniforms on.*</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<b>I'm Kick James and I Kick Balls. Volume 4, Episode 2</b><br /> (<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Images courtesy of the internet: no Laura was present, so these images represent what it was probably like.</i></span>)</h2>
This weeks adventure:<br />
<br />
<h3>
I'm Kick James (2-0) 13, Where My Pitches At? (?-1/2/?) 2</h3>
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizZjE55CXXkZbPlfTeLlMG4K0xSNzIbwomUOb1RXESsGJOh2iQ1ccna0qnqFDYGTUj_jPsGCrUpuOnDLpGeVhT214qwiL9bbF8761GbMF_Vt51KMmEWY4_70upVDpjz57411KVRdQzaIk/s1600/angry+letter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizZjE55CXXkZbPlfTeLlMG4K0xSNzIbwomUOb1RXESsGJOh2iQ1ccna0qnqFDYGTUj_jPsGCrUpuOnDLpGeVhT214qwiL9bbF8761GbMF_Vt51KMmEWY4_70upVDpjz57411KVRdQzaIk/s200/angry+letter.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
(<i>The fellas at Kickball League of Rochester are slacking and really chapping my ass... neither scores nor standings are updated. Maybe they don't realize some of us have a G. goddamn D. blog to write. That's it, I'm writing a letter... Maybe they don't realize some of us have a G. goddamn D. angry letter to write either</i>). <br />
<br />
<h3>
<br /><br /><br />MVP's</h3>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrangb86_UPrYd_3ASE38rlsZQScKFl6y2EkwOjmtKGWhyz73r37kcazMNFNBDJZJFKI49_MjVNgbzRJpA8DBw9ekCvw7u6BEAfBEWWVsE_jbyVo4mOzcSU87mHitcrSF5Cz7TlhGY6Ho/s1600/squirrellferret.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrangb86_UPrYd_3ASE38rlsZQScKFl6y2EkwOjmtKGWhyz73r37kcazMNFNBDJZJFKI49_MjVNgbzRJpA8DBw9ekCvw7u6BEAfBEWWVsE_jbyVo4mOzcSU87mHitcrSF5Cz7TlhGY6Ho/s320/squirrellferret.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: How Loic's pet and pet's pet became best friends.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b><br />Loic </b>brought a lot to the table this week. Not only did he kick his first IKJ homerun, but he also showed up (late) with his pet ferret and it's pet squirrel. He proceeded to play the field and run around like said ferret, failing to catch anything... but our attention. It was a spectacle int he best way possible. Even though the rest of the team was entranced by its new mascots, I think they, and Loic, brought a sense of depth and gravitas to the team. Thank you Loic, thank you for making us better people.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKCFgeUukWVfRYzpAo2wiLlavgpQMX8NGkfeTmbyViORpk1U1le5jSO_ogAcRHlcGMaPWXoOGXtOVwVbfb8xlOKkuydGw4E9Zp3wwOO9gVSO8L2d0W9Vj8pH0FPlvb9Qp3E6TepU2OEHY/s1600/jt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKCFgeUukWVfRYzpAo2wiLlavgpQMX8NGkfeTmbyViORpk1U1le5jSO_ogAcRHlcGMaPWXoOGXtOVwVbfb8xlOKkuydGw4E9Zp3wwOO9gVSO8L2d0W9Vj8pH0FPlvb9Qp3E6TepU2OEHY/s1600/jt.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: Artists rendition of Dave last night. *</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<b>Dave </b>"Brian"'s brother really brought his A-<strike>beard</strike>-game. Deftly fielding numerous laser rocket throws while playing third... I can only remember one, but I assume there were more. Two kicks, two runs, zero errors, infinite sex appeal. Congratulations on starting your new job. If it negatively effects your kickball season I'm sorry to say you have to quit.<br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
<br /><br /><br />Highlights/Lowlights/and it's hair color, not dye. Dye an egg, color your hair.</h3>
Well besides the fact that we have 13 runs in the first inning for our two games combined, which is awesome, the first inning was really marked by Shelley galloping over the ball to avoid having to kick a terrible pitch. It was called a swing and a miss strike, but we know better. We know she did it on purpose. Shelley's night was highlighted while playing catcher and putting Sandy in his place when he tried to cover home and steal her thunder... No one. I repeat, NO ONE, steals Shelley's thunder!<br />
<br />
Speaking of Sandy, we won't talk about the good things he did, but remember when he dove for that ball and missed. Hilarious.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZFxA1ane8Awkkp_i1FeIlIX83kZ_z7TAsoQB2OdZ9vkgag00_2Wj78EFMYV6AcHY6rTi7x5YrkLqieLLvexK2BZE1C7VmHdGxuvVUXUNZf9JkW6SkwVv7fzlukAGQ4j2v00xbtkfNoCk/s1600/parkour.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZFxA1ane8Awkkp_i1FeIlIX83kZ_z7TAsoQB2OdZ9vkgag00_2Wj78EFMYV6AcHY6rTi7x5YrkLqieLLvexK2BZE1C7VmHdGxuvVUXUNZf9JkW6SkwVv7fzlukAGQ4j2v00xbtkfNoCk/s1600/parkour.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: Sandy missing the ball.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
PJ has become our most dependable kicker. 4-4 this season and I'm pretty sure he was 8-8 last season. <br />
<br />
I'd consider our friend Paul a runner up last night, as well as "Girl Brian" who the other team kept brutally attacking whenever they had a chance. She kept getting back up and kept playing well, which proves we can stop hiding our violent side and fully physically abuse each other. I also considered knocking her on her ass before I stole the ball from her and got that girl trotting to first out, but I refrained... you. are. welcome.<br />
<br />
Katie returned to form by kicking a double and being awesome... but then slipped down a notch by not participating in the team shotgun.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQwGKXHTLXgkRkIXk5B4a03pmGJg4kiXY-tVX3nQdBWbIAL9BNpIsSzteXMSoJvh-aG11fRndMLTiF5xnyDhd-jAonPxxq4CKkt56tqrwphavRCHt9x7GmFheRbTk6VcH1fm1Hbx_1obk/s1600/burn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQwGKXHTLXgkRkIXk5B4a03pmGJg4kiXY-tVX3nQdBWbIAL9BNpIsSzteXMSoJvh-aG11fRndMLTiF5xnyDhd-jAonPxxq4CKkt56tqrwphavRCHt9x7GmFheRbTk6VcH1fm1Hbx_1obk/s200/burn.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: Jim, 80 seconds before kicking</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Jim crawled from the wreckage of his car, his clothing and psyche each in tatters. Left the crash site on foot, raced, three miles without shoes on to make it to the game seconds before it was his turn to kick. He proceeded to get out.<br />
<br />
Smitty backed people up well.<br />
<br />
And that's it everyone.<br />
<br />
Couldn't be happier about how this is looking, where this is going, how it feels on this inside (swell?).<br />
<br />
What did I miss? Tell me. Tell me now!<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
*</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic9s-WWk6R21Hf6ekp8YM-S6JpJRwQQ4QhqQYkUg0kCsXwRxeeyJpDF9TbFYJR-ZqLvg4lxulsWtR_2r_cLMB8Vp28s7-GHTtU5CQ44-hOvX2g9caYmLtah28CAy37rvD3K142pkKWxEc/s1600/team.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic9s-WWk6R21Hf6ekp8YM-S6JpJRwQQ4QhqQYkUg0kCsXwRxeeyJpDF9TbFYJR-ZqLvg4lxulsWtR_2r_cLMB8Vp28s7-GHTtU5CQ44-hOvX2g9caYmLtah28CAy37rvD3K142pkKWxEc/s1600/team.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: 1/3 of Kick James... after we put our uniforms on.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht1ILPENgwPCtSEFujgNiSHqt6mBnidsOaQAf_CWqdF7mj6YiF_aIZonFNFge1PSI0PQ6iNdIi0xO0vGR3LccTNFLGRFBecZhruN3_NQZoEuReAfK7wVtSLr5jfWZjwpTrspoSMj3oWwM/s1600/fm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht1ILPENgwPCtSEFujgNiSHqt6mBnidsOaQAf_CWqdF7mj6YiF_aIZonFNFge1PSI0PQ6iNdIi0xO0vGR3LccTNFLGRFBecZhruN3_NQZoEuReAfK7wVtSLr5jfWZjwpTrspoSMj3oWwM/s1600/fm.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: What Dave actually looked like... but with more facial hair.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw-LP_aWpaobIwjHmhdlbLr1s8_Y-1N-0JBxpPH9KzORc1_dUMCHl8C2xaUjsKzexgMuZNxi5n2L2PXoxq0BjuniHbFIzbfUpgVnKPjD7v0DTgqc5_D-WMtL9_xxCUOUq348IsnBA-Y5Q/s1600/100MEDIA36IMAG0180.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw-LP_aWpaobIwjHmhdlbLr1s8_Y-1N-0JBxpPH9KzORc1_dUMCHl8C2xaUjsKzexgMuZNxi5n2L2PXoxq0BjuniHbFIzbfUpgVnKPjD7v0DTgqc5_D-WMtL9_xxCUOUq348IsnBA-Y5Q/s320/100MEDIA36IMAG0180.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
Pictured: The dogs that ate Loic's Ferret and Squirrel.<br />(<i>Thanks for the photo's Katie, the rest will be utilized in blackmail scenarios.)</i></div>
<br />Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-78047213392413248282012-09-04T12:17:00.001-04:002012-09-04T12:17:16.980-04:00It's a Lemon Party!.org<br />
<br />
Welcome back Kick James! You can tell it's the beginning of the season because of that 1 in the win column. As we all know, winning is the only thing that matters. If you're not trying to win, you're not trying to Kick James. Now let me teach you a little lesson about politics...<br />
<br />
Just kidding, none of that meant anything besides the welcome back and the lemon party.<br />
<br />
After night 1... dun dundoooon!<br />
<br />
<b>I'm Kick James 11, Rib Meat 6</b><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqtclwXhHkKaZP7fgCAwvjJ7Rls5tshyphenhyphenB-cGBAWWb0Zfch5yBXpOaD95lJm9zs5hNHlRhjPbpNvKe63iTJaQTDy77faGXZhumZ_7V3c8IjyBmTFgkcUeewEpArHcmg9oq4xniVAPBViSo/s1600/101_4525.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="343" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqtclwXhHkKaZP7fgCAwvjJ7Rls5tshyphenhyphenB-cGBAWWb0Zfch5yBXpOaD95lJm9zs5hNHlRhjPbpNvKe63iTJaQTDy77faGXZhumZ_7V3c8IjyBmTFgkcUeewEpArHcmg9oq4xniVAPBViSo/s640/101_4525.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not pictured: Literally no one, look at that team, it's freaking huge.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<u><b>MVP's</b></u><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNEBK7TQ4lqknU7P593kr_sG09gfpJ_xr3tgZ-HtuV3SQ-op12YFlaje6foXQdATn_m-d3E81erZMscLuhy7TKI4sbfhO0vHRhc_z4n_bzwAcYFN_0biFYL2Fw1Hs6odgMuRjPXZ9ob_Q/s1600/101_4523.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNEBK7TQ4lqknU7P593kr_sG09gfpJ_xr3tgZ-HtuV3SQ-op12YFlaje6foXQdATn_m-d3E81erZMscLuhy7TKI4sbfhO0vHRhc_z4n_bzwAcYFN_0biFYL2Fw1Hs6odgMuRjPXZ9ob_Q/s320/101_4523.JPG" width="270" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It. Is. So. Cold.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Pearson </b>spent a lot of time thinking about Kick James over the last year. Having been a part of the last Fall Kick James team and helping us lose our first ever playoff game (we lost like we do everything... together... but it was probably mostly his fault. I don't remember, the tears washed it away). Not only did he bring us Loic, Loic's tight shirt, Ben, and Ben's Kick James screen print hat, but he also reinvigorated Kick James in the 5th inning with a three run home run. He almost had a heart attack at the end of it, but it would have been totally worth it.<br />
<br />
I, <b>Thomas</b>, was the second MVP. Yes, I had two singles. Yes I had two runs. Yes, I had that one awkward looking jumping catch at 3rd base. It isn't about me people. Unless I do something awesome and truly deserve it, I will not accept any more MVP's. Do I love attention? Yes. Do I deserve the attention I get? Most of the time, yes definitely always. Am I humble? Of course I am, why would you even ask that?<br />
<br />
<u><b>Highlights</b></u><br />
<br />
(<i>A prologue</i>: <i>In seasons past a point has been made to include something about every player on the team. Well fuck that. We have a gigantic team, so the highlight reel will be just that. Thank you.)</i><br />
<br />
I'd like to start the highlights by recognizing our new Kick Jamesers:<br />
<br />
Ben, Loic, Christina and Erin (Girl "Brian"). Excellent first showing everyone. Ben didn't get punched. Loic looked great in his medium. The shirt obviously gave him the power to fly through the outfield with the greatest of ease. Christina has talked about being a part time IKJ member since our conception/inception/interception/eleption, and has finally officially joined us (part time). Erin earned her stripes in her first outting by receiving her nickname that wouldn't have become her nickname if she hadn't said she didn't like it. So much to learn Girl Brian (Note: Having a Girl Brian makes everything so much easier, I could never tell which one "Brian" was).<br />
<br />
The day was a hard felt battle. Gabe took our first shotgun challenge of the season, narrowly losing to the fastest shotgunner in the world making Gabe the second fastest and giving us a great chance at domination in the future.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG9fErSQWs6MdB6vttHyyQ269pLrMWZ_BQ7g_WgpK3iWWFkb6G85X9PtTU1Sqovx7OtBzBMNIAH4R5m0vgiMSsvUBS-Zu0YzZCUHlu8akmR9kFu0wOtH4vOvO7NZ3gmSjtrKAjwlEbSr4/s1600/101_4520.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG9fErSQWs6MdB6vttHyyQ269pLrMWZ_BQ7g_WgpK3iWWFkb6G85X9PtTU1Sqovx7OtBzBMNIAH4R5m0vgiMSsvUBS-Zu0YzZCUHlu8akmR9kFu0wOtH4vOvO7NZ3gmSjtrKAjwlEbSr4/s320/101_4520.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: The other guy about to cheat... I assume.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Coops stepped up and sprinted a challenge for us with the help of "Brian". Boy "Brian" had a mixed day. He played very well, sprinted even better, looked great in his Cape James costume, but shied away from an icing at the beginning of the day because he's obviously a soulless coward. I mean, it's okay, he's a grown man and he can make his own decisions, but I don't know anyone else who would make up an excuse that doesn't even make sense and directly goes against a rule he himself had established less than a month before, but that doesn't mean he can't do what he wants to do even if we're all very disappointed in him. <br />
<br />
If you see Boy "Brian" have him clear things up for you. Can't hurt to ask why he has so little respect for the institution of icing.<br />
<br />
Tim threw the ball a hella long distance and way longer than the joker he was talking shit to throughout the game. He was being both bold and self loathing about his bunting habit and Tim was having none of it. Way to stick to your guns "Timmy". When you act like a punch ass horse fondler, be prepared to be treated like one, guy from the other team who can't throw farther than Tim and bunts. <br />
<br />
Excellent post game showing at Marshall Street. I left a little early, but I heard there were both dance offs and R&B classic sing offs. If we could start doing that during the innings from the sidelines, I think we would be a better overall team.<br />
<br />
I'm Kick James and 1-0 sounds good anyway you say it... except if you put the 0 first, because then it means the exact opposite of what it means now and sounds super shitty.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPN1WyNyKXxhm9ngqG2toUjME7Wetoytdz4G33-vrfWlX0CY2pgU4nSZLALandTEI7fpIkyIhzBJD8kwCQEFvjFUc-OLRbpDsvjCbC5qMZrVbMqRojHcwemydaZdxegf0zeTcvODEHXGY/s1600/101_4526.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPN1WyNyKXxhm9ngqG2toUjME7Wetoytdz4G33-vrfWlX0CY2pgU4nSZLALandTEI7fpIkyIhzBJD8kwCQEFvjFUc-OLRbpDsvjCbC5qMZrVbMqRojHcwemydaZdxegf0zeTcvODEHXGY/s320/101_4526.JPG" width="290" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: Kickball Art. <i>Thank you Laura, the pictures are fantastic.</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<i>(An Epilogue: As always, I know I'm missing plenty. Please share your stories, either in the comments or send them my way and I will add them to the blog. After Laura "Dingleberry" did such a great job wrapping up the Spring with her Ode to Kick James, I would like to see more and more IKJ's submitting to the blog. You have an idea? It's yours. You want to take a week over. It's yours. Believe me, I could use the help and we have such a brilliantly hilarious group of attractive people, input from around the bench can only make this better for everyone.) </i><br />
<br />
<br />Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-84599089714233254352012-05-22T16:21:00.002-04:002012-05-22T16:21:59.617-04:00An Ode to Kick James<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>In what ended up being our last game of the season, I was not unable to be present. My tears have yet to dry, but guest bloggest Laura aka dingleberry made me very proud. With that, I present to you.</i></span><br />
<br />
<h2>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>An Ode to Kick James</i></span></h2>
<h3>
By Dingleberry</h3>
<h2>
</h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As the clouds rolled in and the raindrops appeared,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We tightened our laces, while the kick off neared.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gathering together we formed as one,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of us knowing what needs to be done.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The red hats fit tight,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As we prepared for what would be a fight.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Settling our nerves, we took to the field,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not knowing at that point our fates were already sealed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They strolled up with confidence ready to kick,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So we all took our places and got focused quick.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The ref, named Al, cleared the game to begin,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I looked down the field and gave Shelly a slight grin.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The ball was set loose, and all was afire.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With all of a sudden, ‘TWO OUTS’ cried the umpire.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Emotions were high, but communication trembled.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two runs were scored, and to the sidelines we reassembled.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brian up first, and the ball sored through the sky.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He slides through to second all hell to defy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sandy took to the plate and ran to first base,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As Katy strolled up with a smile on her face.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The pitcher had trouble crossing the plate with her pitch,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So Al gave her advice as to overcome this glitch.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eventually she sorted it out, and kick james ran across home
plate.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately discrepancy caused the other team to challenge
our fate.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The safe on second with two outs was on trial,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I was called to once again defend my team with style.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rock, Paper, Scissors was the name of the game.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One, Two, Three- Win.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One, Two, Three- Lose.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I looked into my opponents eyes and the moment came…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One, Two, Three- Lose.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back in the field Kick James went,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But in no way were we ready to relent.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Shelly on the mound, the bases covered,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The outfield was buzzing while the clouds still hovered.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The strikes came one after the other,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The three outs caused the team to cry, ‘oh, mother’.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To kick again Kick James’ confidence rekindled,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While the red/blue swirled shirts swindled and dwindled.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Loughners were up, and they both rose to new heights.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Raising our hopes, with the game that excites.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of a sudden I was on deck,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ready as ever I kicked and I ran, only the scream, ‘oh, heck’’.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At this point for me the game became fuzzy for an inning or
two,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So henceforth my ode may become a bit askew.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is now, I feel I shall mention for a bit,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The other team’s demeanor that seemed so misfit.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We came out to have fun, and laugh as a team</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So why, shall I ask, the other team be so mean?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They called into questions Al’s calls and made fun of our
plays</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I feel it is appropriate to individually haze:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Holly:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Golly, miss Holly, you seem to be on Molly- because you must
be seeing things. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I ask, Polly must want a cracker, with the noise coming from
your mouth.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I would suggest, miss Holly you take a trolly to Bali
because only there, will they deal with your folly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nick:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nick, my prick, I would ask you to stick the ball where the
sun don’t shine.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are a captain of bunters: ‘Quick’, ‘Slick’, ‘Trick’ and ‘Thick’.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although your team inevitably won, Nick- I think you are a
dick.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Big Red’:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn’t catch your name, ‘Red’, but I think you may need to
grow a pair,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And learn how to kick, and be nice. The end.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And like that we were in the top of the fourth,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The clouds started to break and there was sun up north.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This time it was our call that a safe should have been out.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, Tim made the challenge because of his doubt.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A shotgun it was, so they took to the stage,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The beers in two hands and the other team in a rage.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our team on one knee, while they took the loss,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As they blamed the faulty can, but Tim drank like a boss.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Up by two the innings got deeper.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Other teams walked over to see who would be the weeper.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The other team now tied, seven to seven.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(Something just made me think of Evans from Heaven).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And just like that, they were up and it was over.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not one man on the field leaf was the least bit sober.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We did not however hang our heads with shame,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Together we yelled, ‘WE ARE KICK JAMES’!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know you were hoping this ode would come to an end,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But special mentions are needed, and individuals to commend:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jim, I think we all would agree, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There was a certain disappointment that we couldn’t see
above either knee.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You may have been wearing long shorts, which is of course
fine.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Next time however I expect nothing less than your short
trench hemline.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ashley you get major point for keeping your fiancé in check,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think at one point he wanted to wrap his hands around Tim’s
neck.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Throughout the season your kicks have gotten much better,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As the game continued I felt you were just warming up for
the next of the double header.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Katie, as always you bring style and smiles to the game,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But don’t let that fool anyone- she’s here to take f’ing
names.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your multiple outs and getting on base,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Makes it hard for anyone to keep up at your pace.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dave and Brian, I mention you together, valuable to every
inning</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because, you two in the line-up made up our end and our
beginning.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Scoring, out, and sliding to bases</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As far as kickball is concerned you are both going places!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It will be difficult to not often think of the visual</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of Brian catching, then sliding, then tagging for an out we
should make a ritual.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesse, I feel your focus could change at any moment</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Out in the field ready for action at every instant.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Next time, please do not pause and consider.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take that girl out, when she is in the base line- just hit
her.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hoffy and Smitty, both on the verge of MVP status</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(I personally thank Hoffy for the ice bag apparatus).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Base runs, and outs, and chats on the sideline</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Both of you make Kick James shine.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
MVPs: How there was four I will never know,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But all four of these player put on quite the show:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Shelly with pitches straight down the line,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How is it possible she got strikes almost every time!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kicking and making it onto base</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And you have such a lovely face.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tim, oh’ captain, sub-captain! Our fearful trip is done,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With your guidance and energy we should have most defiantly
won.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You won the shotgun but most of all,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You reminded us what it means to have fun playing kickball.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
PJ, above and beyond all the other players</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You on the field was an answer to many of our prayers.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Advancing, scoring, getting on base- </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all agree last night you were an Ace.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sandy, you were our balance, exciting us to compete</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Becoming fired up to help us win this feat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Base hits and runs, but on top of all the good,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You also beat the MVP Mike’s shotgun- way to go, dude.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lastly, I will leave you with this: ‘I should have been a
mutha, f’ing bunter’.</div>Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-76062829925506169332012-05-17T08:06:00.000-04:002012-05-17T08:06:19.771-04:00Two Sides of the Same CoinFor all intensive purposes, Monday's events were one big rollercoaster of a game.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg98NeR6GKRc-QMIkfc9oYpnvUqtfEdCAwcptnVjEa9KQx5gBR_EwtpMdHiWZwET333IExMS2nA-WmQc3QkCl-OqdyKdQ9oaFMVoAVnx6zefeiVrHY6aQEh4bjYujw9ivyY8D5TtQ_Dnzo/s1600/101_3652.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg98NeR6GKRc-QMIkfc9oYpnvUqtfEdCAwcptnVjEa9KQx5gBR_EwtpMdHiWZwET333IExMS2nA-WmQc3QkCl-OqdyKdQ9oaFMVoAVnx6zefeiVrHY6aQEh4bjYujw9ivyY8D5TtQ_Dnzo/s320/101_3652.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is what a kickball team looks like after a rollercoaster.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Yes, maybe if you're one for technicalities, "Wilmer Valderama", you would refer to Monday's I'm Kick Jamesing as a "double header" but if you're not one for technicalities, "Mr. Obama", then you would just bunch everything up together and represent it as the mess it was.<br />
<br />
In general, I'm Kick James had a fantastic night. Quick Highlights - Coming from behind to almost win. Winning really intensely. Gender confusion. Waxing. Waning. A Fine Frenzy. Smitty. Non-Alchoballiks compared to Guy, the loose cannon of mass consumption.<br />
<br />
By the end of the night:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I'm Kick James (6-1-1) 21, Alchoballiks of Mass Consumption (doesn't matter) 11</b></span><br />
<br />
Now let's share in some stories... with the help of photographic technologies. <b> </b><br />
<br />
<i><b>WARNING: </b>There might not be a "defined order" to these stories, but there are pictures so that makes it a lot of fun.</i><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP9LN61UCrvOB6_73X3J3y5Sd0X-AbFMQ6_GUCEFtF-YfWlcTXfw3WhWP_Y2FsDFM1D-OL3vfkc_Vsxco28is_SKXENztGtgW_exvYuXNgtakb2LqbODpM5ci5Nifuqara6M3AvFAZzho/s1600/101_3609.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP9LN61UCrvOB6_73X3J3y5Sd0X-AbFMQ6_GUCEFtF-YfWlcTXfw3WhWP_Y2FsDFM1D-OL3vfkc_Vsxco28is_SKXENztGtgW_exvYuXNgtakb2LqbODpM5ci5Nifuqara6M3AvFAZzho/s320/101_3609.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Paper, Laura, Scissors: Dingleberry for the win!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
A slow start led to some interesting moments as we started the evening. The other team, fighting to their last breath for a spot in the playoffs (that we still don't know if they actually got, one because we're clinched in first and don't give a shit and two, because it's very confusing) came to play. They wanted the full on win, settled for a tie, but not before barely drinking anything and whining about getting hit in the head with the ball while sliding into second (one of two calls the ref gave us all night long). The very ref who had no idea what a strike was and refused to call them. <br />
<br />
An example of the other team barely drinking anything, the picture above shows I'm Kick James taking a knee (except Shelley who apparently doesn't know what a knee is) and drinking for Laura who is rock, paper, scissoring the other team.... haha scissoring the other team.<br />
<br />
That win kept Laura on second and most likely led to something amazing. That amazing something could have been one of the thirty times PJ was on base, Tim's 2 RKI triple that would have been a home run if one of their players hadn't <strike>been overweight and unable to control his body</strike> tripped him on purpose. Maybe that's when Smitty ran so fast he almost lapped Laura.<br />
<br />
I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. <br />
<br />
Things started to heat up around here. Down by a few runs we came back and tied it up. We then took the lead and made fun of the other team for being douchy a little bit. That led to another inning nobody remembers that will never be mentioned again. Remember, we only played on game and it ultimately ended in a win.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTNTyPZFhbmK9EGm2oV_j-zYuUedK9Dk16GmA4wkIbWPv9DrugbxaD04SYCTrV7-Z8P7ru27AUgC3IrQPee7-SeTzPL8ddkVedhYTzDWbirTp7tc9i6Hiij1GkdKTp5TwLh_HLbrRKTwo/s1600/101_3624.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="317" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTNTyPZFhbmK9EGm2oV_j-zYuUedK9Dk16GmA4wkIbWPv9DrugbxaD04SYCTrV7-Z8P7ru27AUgC3IrQPee7-SeTzPL8ddkVedhYTzDWbirTp7tc9i6Hiij1GkdKTp5TwLh_HLbrRKTwo/s400/101_3624.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: Terror giggles</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /><br /><br />I'm Kick James had a universal tension headache. Overcome with emotion and filled with intense feelings of devotion to each other, there was a lot of yelling for a little bit. Short fuses were lit. Forgiveness hugs were plentiful. Katie, who may or may not have been drunk, kicked the ball extremely well, but hugged herself in fear on first base because the game was so tense. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2sgD0YydledBA6oGsl6DZkCndQwhmCaIGkI9XExAGLRd_26qFZNyIw6lpaqOPRBYvf1kT311ikK0ILZ0mXZBBw1ekXkFxkxSy91KYW8mU6XU4-dDiqiyoMhpbzuMzwOZGwHX7uj5ow2Q/s1600/101_3619.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2sgD0YydledBA6oGsl6DZkCndQwhmCaIGkI9XExAGLRd_26qFZNyIw6lpaqOPRBYvf1kT311ikK0ILZ0mXZBBw1ekXkFxkxSy91KYW8mU6XU4-dDiqiyoMhpbzuMzwOZGwHX7uj5ow2Q/s200/101_3619.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It was all very confusing for Shelley.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Things weren't as smooth for Kick James as they usually are. The ball was kicked so hard into the outfield it knocked Jesse on his ass while he was catching it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Brian dove for a ball 42 feet away from him. Katie brought bread to soak up some of the booze. Jesse and Shelley ate it so it was not effective.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm Kick James and in the face of adversity I turn things around by starting over, making my opponent change their shirts and complete personalities, and starting a fielding frenzy... and hugging, there was some hugging. The other team also had shots available, which didn't hurt anyone, except PJ because Tim stole his shot just like he's stolen so many balls from ladies in the outfield. <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTrgTO-64uA5uz1mTH3HWZ8XeGnUDCu4ae5M5fPuMjIx87IVf1TPWI_qRqk2s0qhNynSztC2AwL1H9_oManUp0sNb874T6-fYoNgP3aKKfpJr4y-rnd80bzGnZKXa8hPusFkuMOWAAzY4/s1600/101_3630.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTrgTO-64uA5uz1mTH3HWZ8XeGnUDCu4ae5M5fPuMjIx87IVf1TPWI_qRqk2s0qhNynSztC2AwL1H9_oManUp0sNb874T6-fYoNgP3aKKfpJr4y-rnd80bzGnZKXa8hPusFkuMOWAAzY4/s200/101_3630.JPG" width="154" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: Pitching is hard</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Things like the action pictures to the left were common. Sweeney was constantly walking away from people.<br />
<br />
Brady, the ref who totally looked like a dude named Brady, started getting a little scared. Besides the fact that he seemed to enjoy giving pointers to the other team and yelling at our team, Brady didn't do well with "fun." Playful banter, Tim pretend fighting an old drunk guy named Guy, women's liberation, the Magna Carta, and shot guns and lady chugs put him as far on edge as he could have gone.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGuTcMqlRrhLbXuJCy7rQ3i3OYpoT61-Jt1bfNGOMgDtXaF1tAH2ol8jJtLPxCABUoVBVlD6mbER_MVgNVq65esvvzFsTr_jj_Nxwwlqz-28YROguh-UAyofnkdCSoeJuveyg_2OLdH2U/s1600/101_3610.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGuTcMqlRrhLbXuJCy7rQ3i3OYpoT61-Jt1bfNGOMgDtXaF1tAH2ol8jJtLPxCABUoVBVlD6mbER_MVgNVq65esvvzFsTr_jj_Nxwwlqz-28YROguh-UAyofnkdCSoeJuveyg_2OLdH2U/s320/101_3610.JPG" width="320" /></a>The second half of the game was lively to say the least. The final reports aren't in, but Tim won a shotgun challenge for one of two reasons.<br />
<br />
1 - The other dude never opened his can and pretended to do the entire thing.<br />
<br />
2 - The other dude actually did a really good job and would have beat Tim if he had just handed the empty beer to the ref.<br />
<br />
The world may never care, and good, because it's over and we won. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtndeUnf24buiooB7cCi4yhZt7Q2QOrKzMJOy4ZKf9eymThE61DZyz4QQg0EYthb-x42mzz0s3uY1dN7CAWypbj3Y_ytu1c1ur4eThUpBswebkuNGRKYbCwB8PM0Kl4Y9E8ZAc4FipTwM/s1600/101_3616.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="165" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtndeUnf24buiooB7cCi4yhZt7Q2QOrKzMJOy4ZKf9eymThE61DZyz4QQg0EYthb-x42mzz0s3uY1dN7CAWypbj3Y_ytu1c1ur4eThUpBswebkuNGRKYbCwB8PM0Kl4Y9E8ZAc4FipTwM/s320/101_3616.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
The next challenge pitted young Miss Piles against a female rugby player in a chug to the death. Not really, it was just a chug to the end of the cup, which Shelley did not win, but gets crazy points in my book for stepping up to the plate.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqPe3LtkvjRfEhlinG3c_0FrhHq9ivz3fH8r2zGwAMC9kbhQmcqQ350C3fIwMZrq5jr5lMa8iUGetJipM3x3ZdqfVSGhxuLC3FRtO8VAYOssF0AA1f61DgMXIQW0bgmchOaG0A0vUzifs/s1600/101_3635.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqPe3LtkvjRfEhlinG3c_0FrhHq9ivz3fH8r2zGwAMC9kbhQmcqQ350C3fIwMZrq5jr5lMa8iUGetJipM3x3ZdqfVSGhxuLC3FRtO8VAYOssF0AA1f61DgMXIQW0bgmchOaG0A0vUzifs/s320/101_3635.JPG" width="320" /></a>Men pitched.<br />
<br />
Ladies peed standing up<br />
<br />
Awesome pictures like this were taken.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>In the end, five worthy, yet unlucky MVP's were Schmirnoffed</b></span><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOhdGjEIX2KwBhejR8jbESAz8SN0zp44R0JXX4n66LHoE7RMzA7siE7yvq2l0cH3ZFzhNBeWSvav9cQIRqSSu-VNWxXMB6ssOpwwlcL5vRO0546q3wlFrT2WcVjjuVTIBERmNLLMaQKG4/s1600/101_3636.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOhdGjEIX2KwBhejR8jbESAz8SN0zp44R0JXX4n66LHoE7RMzA7siE7yvq2l0cH3ZFzhNBeWSvav9cQIRqSSu-VNWxXMB6ssOpwwlcL5vRO0546q3wlFrT2WcVjjuVTIBERmNLLMaQKG4/s320/101_3636.JPG" width="320" /></a> <br />
<b>Shelley</b> - For her chugging attempt, awesome pitching and contemplative nature.<br />
<br />
<b>Sandy</b> - He did something really well at the end of both games. It might have been fielding. I'm pretty sure he had a home run too.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOC3dUUajkUrSUSBb3-_UyaIqJHivUU9PeV_yNi2sZXM3ZGHN5MgLywDoVOqRAsa0g5MfvvkWzrx-OowcmrfaSyVvBbLGFk2xQkPjgZNYtgWGI7I-0s_WYc7barFiIyujetSlnglgDmkM/s1600/101_3639.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOC3dUUajkUrSUSBb3-_UyaIqJHivUU9PeV_yNi2sZXM3ZGHN5MgLywDoVOqRAsa0g5MfvvkWzrx-OowcmrfaSyVvBbLGFk2xQkPjgZNYtgWGI7I-0s_WYc7barFiIyujetSlnglgDmkM/s320/101_3639.JPG" width="320" /></a><b>Laura</b> - For everything we mentioned (mostly the rock paper <u>scissoring</u>) and the ability to spend numerous innings, catching, smoking a cig, drinking a beer and taking pictures all at the same time.<br />
<br />
<b>Smitty</b> - For being the most consistent player of the day and for also doing something really good, that I can't remember.<br />
<br />
<b>Thomas</b> - I played well. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdN2kjt4GLMjMqCg8KkJVk-FV3wRCuw6bEFbKcx-_cKTe2rxCCcr8TxMaQltsbNrbo9lkYDP3CJ3P1CEv2dtu8PXeOZp4pGRtmkeYARosJyjnVKxzhIHxGa4jMEYPKK9xJ-A_Xn4sbZu4/s1600/101_3650.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdN2kjt4GLMjMqCg8KkJVk-FV3wRCuw6bEFbKcx-_cKTe2rxCCcr8TxMaQltsbNrbo9lkYDP3CJ3P1CEv2dtu8PXeOZp4pGRtmkeYARosJyjnVKxzhIHxGa4jMEYPKK9xJ-A_Xn4sbZu4/s320/101_3650.JPG" width="222" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
And with that, Sandy pointed to the parking lot for Sweeney and said, "Sweeney, that's where my car is parked." <br />
<br />
<br />
I'm Kick James and I will see you in the playoffs you beautiful sons of bitches.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxY2c01leCsRFE_20WCFS1Jc5BsNh7E1HUllD2NhmhkPVZW3MMrB0SnYCDoA6YwpM6G-Q7d-aWEKHMr7llrrA' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
This also happened at some point, which is awesome.Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-58987348723883838282012-05-08T12:24:00.003-04:002012-05-08T13:47:40.786-04:00Double the pleasure, Double the fun, Double the... is Jim Naked again?We were all so wet.<br />
<br />
So wet.<br />
<br />
Exciting. Suspenseful. Action packed. Vigorous. Moist.<br />
<br />
At the end of the night, after releasing a long sigh of relief, I'm Kick James took home the stutter with two w w wins!<br />
<br />
There were a lot of highlights, a ton of hilarity, ass cracks full of mud, and a lot of tears (still not enough hugging).<br />
<br />
It was too wet to effectively take notes, so here is what I remember, with the help from Timmy and Shelley and maybe I'll make some things up for good measure.<br />
<br />
Something I'm not making up is how before the game even started Timmy made an ump move a field he was literally setting up in the middle of our outfield. Sandy and I agreed that Timmy's confident tone and ability to read people well allows him to always sound authoritative and even when he's wrong he sounds like he knew it the whole time, thus making him right. <span dir="ltr" id=":1a4">"HEY! UMP! ok I guess I have to go over there...."</span><br />
<br />
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Game 1 - The Battle <strike>for </strike>of Annie's Tears</span></h2>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I'm Kick James - 5 !Great Balls of Fire - 4</b></span><br />
<br />
By all accounts this game was way way way closer than it should have been. A lot of S was T'd before the game and our heckling of one of their pint sized players might have riled them up a little bit.<br />
<br />
By "our" I might mean "my"... I was sorta doing all the heckling. <br />
<br />
The field was just that, a field. The grass was out of control and the rain was not helping anything. The ball barely moved. Shelley's pitching arm must be carved out of marble from the work out she had last night just to get the ball to home plate.<br />
<br />
It took a while to get used to and in that while the bad guys were up 1-0. Infuriated, I'm Kick James went on a scoring frenzy spree two innings later, making the score 3-1 (it wasn't really a frenzy, it was just a good inning).<br />
<br />
My Itchy Balls Feel Like They're On Fire answered back in kind, regaining the lead an inning later. 4-3. We were flustered. Sandy, in his eight layers of spandex including what was most likely Ashley's sports bra, was visibly distressed. I sat him down, take a knee Sandy, I said in my most comforting voice. Not on the ground, my knee, I had to say out loud because apparently kneeling and pulling my shorts up to reveal my thighs isn't a well recognized sign of come sit on my knee.<br />
<br />
Now Sandy, I says, I says Sandy, you're all riled up. You're good enough. You're smart enough. Dog gone it, people like you. Take a deep breath and go out there and have some fun.<br />
<br />
I think it worked, because I saw him smile one time after that. The mud on his face had vertical streaks under his eyes, but that was probably self made for intimidating the other team.<br />
<br />
(This is where it gets a little fuzzy, because I can't remember how
everything went down, the last five minutes have been a gchat
conversation with Timmy and Shelley and none of us can remember the
order of anything except that I flied out, so the following happened,
but I don't know when, why, or whatnot. Assume it's all true and
accurate) <br />
<br />
The last inning brought two outs to Smitty who needed to keep us alive. <br />
In a secret pact, he and I had decided that I would pop out for the second out right before him so he could have the glory of drilling a double. Our pact was fulfilled and our pee brotherhood remained in tact. An undisclosed number of outs, runner on second. Katie up to kick. She might as well be called automatic, because you get a couple cocktails in her and she just goes right for the bag. Smitty ends up scoring at some point or another! Good job Smitty! Good job Katie!<br />
<br />
A well timed challenge brought Timmy face to face with
Annie's boyfriend, the man deer from the Fallout Boy video for Sugar
We're Going Down. Neither spilled more than three drops during the
keying of the beer (I say that because Trevor spilled three drops of his
beer). One. Two. Three. Boom. Got it. Timmy finished with barely a drop
on him four or five minutes before his opponent. Each drained their
beer dry, but Timmy was victorious.<br />
<br />
A few other things happened, but they were completely forgotten due to the magical aura that filled the air and brought a calm to the team. Some saw a white light, others saw pink elephants, a few people saw the ghost of Hoffy fluttering around like a guardian angel, others saw Kyle and Theresa shrowded in Jedi robes and glowing a light blue like in the end of Return of the Jedu, but everyone agreed, at the end of it Katie scored as well and we were winning. Thanks Jesus, the Mexican Boy by Iron and Wine, for being a good song.<br />
<br />
They had one more chance to regain the lead. They tried really hard, but their challenge was answered by Brian's quick feet and dedication to diving on wet grass!<br />
<br />
Kick James with the big W!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>MVP's -</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Smitty and Katie</b></span><br />
Very very honorable mentions to Brian, Shelley, Timmy, and PJ who all got MVP votes and would have been just as worthy. Amazing game!<br />
<br />
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Game 2 - The Emancipation From Bring Tied for Second With This team Proclamation </span></b></h2>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I'm Kick James - 5 Balls Across the Toes - 2</b></span><br />
<br />
The excitement still filled our bones. Energy was reverberating through our wet clothes and ended up in the 30 beers I think Katie drank.<br />
<br />
The Vassar Brothers obviously hate Kick James, as they stole two or our best players for game two just because they had "practice" because they had a "gig" and because when you're "talented" you get to do things like play in a "band".<br />
<br />
Our svelte squad of eleven was up to the challenge. Two teams, both 4-1 in the same division. Separated by mere runs scored against. Meeting on a field that turned from wet to pure mud to settle once and for all, who was a better wrestler Andre "I'm Kick James" the Giant or Macho Man "Balls Across the toes" Randy Savage.<br />
<br />
Right out of the gates Fezzik from the <i>Princess Bride<b> </b></i>(Andre the Giant aka I'm Kick James) took a commanding 3-0 lead. The blood was flowing, the tension gone, we were ready to play. Sandy kept trying to take another knee, but the stakes were too high.<br />
<br />
I really don't remember much of what happened after that to be honest.<br />
<br />
So here are the bits and pieces. A double play happened at one point. That was really cool.<br />
<br />
Katie was hammered and giggly and thought everyone was mad at her.<br />
<br />
Laura kicked the ball, advanced the runner and then fell directly on her ass. Later, to remove the mud from her ass Laura sat in the grass and scooted her butt across the ground just like a dog does when he or she has an itchy butt. <b>Contest : Who can come up with the best nickname for Laura based on her doglike dirty itchy ass? Winner will be announced next week! </b><br />
<br />
Shelley struck someone out, but that might have been the first game. She threw strikes like it was her job, left and right, all over the place (note, it is her job). One dude wiffed right over the ball and that was hilarious.<br />
<br />
Naked Jim ripped his overcoat making him slightly more naked than he was before. Everytime the ref, who was awesome (more about that later) announced the score and said I'm Kick James, Jim yelled out "No, we're Kick James!" and two of the girls from the other team thought it was hilarious all the time. They hated dirt and mud, but they loved them some Kick James and naked Jim.<br />
<br />
A bunch more stuff happened. I got really dirty. Ashley had at least one RKI. Smitty did something really well. PJ fraternized with the other team and got firmly in their heads. We took a team picture. <br />
<br />
Remember when Laura wiped her butt on the ground like a dog? K-9 reinactment:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/pARH-jsRt3U?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
<br />
In the end we won and made it look like we knew exactly what we were doing... which we totally did, right?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>MVP's -</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Brian and Jesse</b></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijiO0abm_HDI2JVbkrftNIA9btYh9UkeSXO-G4ZXIDUu2Tda-3bR3n-HkXwUiV7hiat6ALA3YfEvMK2hTlpO9KzjsHpZpfXrwjHBWKbCdJXwi4vIL-rP2jgChb57F2Q-1uET9wtl9NfQw/s1600/IMAG0147.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijiO0abm_HDI2JVbkrftNIA9btYh9UkeSXO-G4ZXIDUu2Tda-3bR3n-HkXwUiV7hiat6ALA3YfEvMK2hTlpO9KzjsHpZpfXrwjHBWKbCdJXwi4vIL-rP2jgChb57F2Q-1uET9wtl9NfQw/s400/IMAG0147.png" width="271" /></a>The game was tight overall and the only thing that really stuck out was that these guys left. If they had stayed, who knows what would have happened. Thank you Brian and Jesse. Thank you Vassar Brothers. Without you not there, we might have all been killed by an intergalactic meteor or typhoon or a pack of rabid squirrels.Worst of all we might have lost. Probably not, since you're both really good and typically add a lot to the team, but maybe! <br />
<br />
We also got this, so that's awesome. <span style="font-size: large;">----------></span><br />
<br />
Great night of wetness and kickball everyone! <br />
<br />
Another double header next week which will decide the playoff race. Come ready! Come sexy! Bring beers. We play better with beers I think.<br />
<br />
I'm Kick James and the other team gave me a trophy for being the best damn kickball team to ever beat them within an inch of their lives. Did that happen?<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b> </b></span><br />
<br />
<b>Amendment: </b>Mike was, by far, the best official we've ever had. As Jim mentioned in the comments (which he also encouraged people to comment via his email, thanks Jim) he was so good he got his own high five line. He was very vocal. Very clear about everything. Extremely engaged in the game. Fair on both sides and totally came off like he not only wanted to be there, but was having almost as much fun as we were. <br />
<br />
So good in fact that I wrote to the guys at Rockickball and let them know how well he did. If you want to as well, simply go to this link or the rockickball website and click on contact us.<br />
<br />
I'm Kick James and I give credit where credit is due.Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-30826395782490590182012-05-01T15:29:00.002-04:002012-05-01T15:31:10.297-04:00Which came first...<span style="font-size: large;">So last nights game led me to ask a few questions...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Were those guys dicks? Were we taking it too seriously? If I were them, would I hate us? How can Timmy throw the ball so hard? Why am I scared of clowns?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Answers: Yes. No. Who cares, they were dicks. He is a freak. They are terrifying.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Another notch on the old win belt folks.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I'm Kick James (3-1) 4, My Foot, Your Balls (1-3) 1</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>MVP's and Highlights</b></span><br />
<br />
Playing what he said was his last game of the season with Kick James due to a stupid golf league for idiots, <i><b>Hoffy </b></i>had a great game at first base and, as always, helped spread cheer by making people chug gross things. Too bad for him, being selected as one of the MVP's put him in the chug gross things category.<br />
<br />
<b>Editor's Note</b>: 45 minutes after insisting this would be his last game, Hoffy assured me that if we really needed him he would skip golf and come back to play. See you in two weeks buddy.<br />
<br />
<i><b>Brian </b></i>and <i><b>PJ </b></i>must be intimately connected in their kickball bones (haha), because for the second time this season they earned MVP's together.<br />
<br />
Brian's base running (scoring two of our four runs), quick thinking (the play at home with the help of Sandy, that got us out of a potentially dreadful them scoring more than us position), sprinting (they refused to shotgun, so Brian just dominated their chump in a footrace despite not having cleats and being 5 years older than his competition), and general demeanor (he's confident and attractive, he intimidates me) shamed the rest of the team into adequate submission. <br />
<br />
PJ was absolutely clutch with two base kicks, a two out RKI right when we needed it, and a perfectly timed slide to save us from an inning ending out that eventually got us a run.<br />
<br />
A rainy day, celebrating Pucks birth, Dave making excuses, Heather living in a lake, and random other factors had us worried we wouldn't have enough players. Hoffy, Smitty and Laura were all worried they were going to be late. I was worried we wouldn't have enough players. <br />
<br />
What if all the late people are really late? What if we get disqualified and they don't even let us hang out and be awesome? The panic was reaching its peak as saliva built up in the back of my mouth. The tears pooled slowly as the knots in my stomach urged me to the ground. From my knees I looked to the heavens, "WHY?!" I questioned the clouds. "All we want to do is play kickball and now we're not sure if we can. Why, you son of a bitch clouds, why?!"<br />
<br />
"Tom, you're scaring me, I'm calling Brandon." Katie moved quickly. In a flash, Brandon was playing with us. As soon as Timmy stopped laughing in disgust two friends walked by with their dogs, Sara and Amanda agreed to put up with us for a few minutes and play.<br />
<br />
Before you knew it, we had a full roster and the game hadn't even started yet... and then Hoffy showed up... and then Smitty showed up... and then Laura showed up... all well before the game started. We were fine and I cried like a small child for no reason. Silly me.<br />
<br />
Other stuff... hmmm... Sandy almost had MVP and would have won the golden glove because of five or six different plays at short stop and his laser cat rocket arm to 1st, but he fumbled a single ball and we collectively decided to focus on that and forget all the good stuff he did.<br />
<br />
The other team continued to be stupid bunts.<br />
<br />
I didn't follow my own rule of hold the ball, don't throw it around (thanks whomever), but it all worked out as they did not score too much and we did not lose because of me, thus proving that I am above the laws of nature and gravity... maybe not gravity, but definitely nature and kickball.<br />
<br />
Good times were had by all really.<br />
Marshall Street has Poutine now, which is pretty great.<br />
Next week is a proposed double header, which would mean two double headers in a row (the 14th is a pre scheduled double header) so start stretching now. We can't afford to lose any of you. For every Kick Jameser who "skims" my ramblings, an old woman loses her wings and a fairy has a heart attack. Thanks a lot skimmers.<br />
<br />
I'm Kick James and Week 1 was definitely a fluke.Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-75298846649909741722012-04-17T15:54:00.000-04:002012-04-17T15:54:29.262-04:00Is it playoffs yet? Why is Jim naked?Was the first question of the day... turns out he just had really short shorts on underneath his hip hugging rain coat.<br />
<br />
Either way, it gave us all the courage and fortitude to rally together and absolutely destroy Old Enough to Know Better.<br />
<br />
<strong>I'm Kick James (2-1) 11, Old Enough to Know Better (1-2) 0</strong><br />
<br />
Not only the shut out, but three weeks in a row we have utilized the mercy rule... Let's only ever talk about the last two weeks though. I'm Kick James and I had an amazing game.<br />
<br />
<strong>MVP's</strong><br />
<br />
There was totally a bolt of lightning in the air (I lied when I said there wasn't), but it was just trying to match Shelley's performance from the mound. Shut out shut out shut out shut out! We need more chanting.<br />
<br />
A shut out, two base kicks including an RKI, and two plays to first. Shelley was spitting hot fire.<br />
<br />
Class gets cancelled, Sweeney saunters in like he owns the place, refuses to try because it's not playoffs yet, and then dominates the rest of the game. Laser rocket arm from short, solid base kicks, he brought Heather, which inherently make him better. If he plays this well during the regular season he better be around when we actually make it top layoffs. (I was going to say if, but we'll go with when.)<br />
<br />
<strong>Special Chugs</strong><br />
<br />
Hoffy brought five super cold sweet girly drinks, so Sweeney and Shelley wouldn't be alone in their pain. <br />
Sandy, Brian, Coop, and Katie rounded out the painful chugging. <br />
<br />
Sandy, for his philanthropy and short stop cannon, Brian for almost earning MVP for another great game, Coops for stepping on the ball instead of kicking it and then getting an RKI, and Katie for being born and because Shelley didn't want to finish her drink. <br />
<br />
Hoffy is going to be painfully missed once he chooses golfing like an old man/Pearson over fun with Kick James. <br />
<br />
Timmy was also an MVP contender simply for making fun of the way Katie upper cuts the air while she runs. That and destroying the ball that ended in a triple and chant of "Run back to third. Run Back to third." (We have not been making fun of each other enough and we need way more cruelly intented nicknames.)<br />
<br />
Throw a few candles in a grilled cheese sandwich and Katie will be a happy girl though! Even if you order he tator tots that she bitterly hates with every fiber of her being. <br />
<br />
Big thanks to PJ (who is getting better and better and I think even more confident week after week) for bringing cookies and getting an RKI.<br />
<br />
Last night's game proved a couple things I've always said:<br />
<br />
1 - Smitty ruins everything. (Sidenote: Smitty wasn't there so he didn't actually ruin or do anything, but it's safe to say that if he was there he would have done something nefarious)<br />
2 - Everything is better with tator tots. (Except Katie's dinner)<br />
3 - Heather's face is not actually a magnet for balls.<br />
4 - Marshall Street is a fantastic meeting spot after a game.<br />
5 - Never open mouth kiss a horse.<br />
6 - My wife is good at ordering food... that BLT was delicious.<br />
7 - I'm Kick James and I make kickball look good. <br />
<br />
P.S. Blogs are hard to write when everyone has a great game. I didn't talk enough about everyone individually. Jim, <strike>despite</strike> thanks to nudity, I'm sure, had a great game too.<br />
<br />
Maybe next week we'll just take down an 18 pack of Sparks or 4Loko as a team... maybe I shouldn't have said maybe... let's just do it.Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-42961305476112677882012-04-10T13:08:00.000-04:002012-04-10T13:08:11.308-04:00They say defense wins gamesThey're idiots because Kick James is the one who wins games!<br />
<br />
Defense is a terrible name for a team, by the way.<br />
<br />
I really think the rules laid out in the team email helped. Here is your abbreviated reminder:<br />
<ul><li>Get there early: <b>Check</b> We had ten people for the team lap and stretch. Gets everyone moving and right into the other teams head.</li>
<li>Drink more: <b>Check</b> We were not conservative with the beers. They went down smooth, often, and aplenty... like things should go down.</li>
<li>Katie can't drive: <b>Check</b> See MVP line descriptions for explanations</li>
<li>Stay calm: <b>Check</b> I equate this to having fun. When we get worked up we suck.</li>
<li>Hug: <b>Check</b> There was finally an adequate amount of hugging... though there could have been way more. </li>
</ul>Solid Team effort ladies and gents. A couple times we thought about not scoring or stopping them from scoring, but then we just kept going ahead and doing just that. Scoring and stopping them from scoring and then the game was over.<br />
<br />
<b>I'm Kick James (1-1) 12, Toast (0-2) 2</b><br />
<br />
<u><b>MVP's</b></u><br />
<b>Katie</b> confirmed yet another weekly MVP award. How you might ask? Take a guess I'd say. Was it by drinking and kicking ass? You might ask in return. Yes, I would answer.<br />
<br />
With three kicks, two RKI's and single handedly closing out an inning, Katie returned to her Kick James royalty status. Interviewing people from her life I learned the following.<br />
<br />
"I picked her up and she rode with me." Smitty<br />
" She sat next to me at Marshall Street." Brian<br />
"Give her a couple drinks and she'll do anything." Creepy old neighbor from her childhood.<br />
<br />
The inning she closed out wasn't just a normal inning. The kicker popped out right to her. She made it look easy. The second she had to get underneath, but caught the ball with ease. (Timmy was right behind her just in case) The third, a high fly a little over her head and a ways away was called by Timmy, Brian and Katie. They were all in range. They all wanted the glory. It wasn't really that close to Katie. That did not matter. Ripping it out of Brian's cold dead hands Katie dove for the ball, tucked rolled, and ended the inning.<br />
<br />
<b>Thomas</b>. I played well.<br />
<br />
<b>Honorable Mentions</b><br />
The game wouldn't have been what it was if Laura hadn't started us off with a bang. Shelley, pumped up as always from the mound, was spitting hot fire. The first pitch went right over the plate and right past Laura watching intently, but not moving at all to stop the ball. She ran after it, which she did very well, before returning to the plate where she tried to drop kick the ball back to Shelley, missed and giggled until she couldn't breath. It was awesome.<br />
<br />
Jesse had a banner game as well. His second Kick James home run, first of this season and two doubles will go down in history by being written about in a blog right now! The internet is forever kids, don't ever forget.<br />
<br />
Timmy had some amazing kicks and catches. His consistency makes it hard to recognize how truly important he is to the Kick James squad. He is also very skinny, so he hides behind people sometimes.<br />
<br />
In general, everyone stepped it up a notch.<br />
<br />
Dave vowed to play 60times better than the week before and he hit that mark and then some. He looked like he was going to pass out when he hit third base, but it was still really good.<br />
Smitty have a vicious arm from 3rd.<br />
Brian had another great game.<br />
PJ played the field!<br />
Jim still runs everywhere, and I actually think he's even getting faster.<br />
Sandy and Ashley #1 (Tinkle) were fantastic moral support. Even though he never knew what was going on or how many outs there were, Sandy coached a hell of a third base. <br />
Nate, our ref for both our games so far, likes us a lot and when we had the captains meeting he completely ignored me and only talked to the other captain. The other captain was very confused, thus helping us get in his head. Thanks Nate. <br />
<br />
If you weren't there, you might have been missed, and you definitely missed out. <br />
<br />
Next week Kick James meets Old Enough to Know Better, the other 1-1 team in our division for the battle of who is more mediocre! I think we all know the answer to that...<br />
<br />
I'm Kick James and I'm even better at mediocrity than you are... but not adept at braggadocio. <br />
<br />
I hope to never use the word braggadocio again and I apologize for its initial use.<br />
<br />
Good day to you.Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-12069325580611330852012-04-03T11:38:00.000-04:002012-04-03T11:38:07.263-04:00No Joy in Mudville (Redux)Just kidding.<br />
No more philosophically clever blogging for me. It's all dick and fart jokes and mocking those I love, give the people what they want, that's what I say.<br />
<br />
The message is the same though.<br />
<br />
<b>I'm Kick James 4, Friends with Benefits 14</b><br />
(Mercy Ruled in the 5th)<br />
<br />
I didn't like writing it, I know you don't like reading it.<br />
<br />
There were some ominous signs from the beginning. First of all, the sun was entirely too shiny and bright. On a different day someone might have called it "beautiful," but on Kickball Monday it was disastrously bright.<br />
<br />
Another sour note. There were entirely too many friends there. My initial count had us at 12, but we ended up with a squad of 17. All those people and I think I only got two hugs.<br />
<br />
The Captains meeting was entirely too long and there wasn't a properly ridiculous team lap and stretch.<br />
<br />
Don't even get me started on how surprisingly dry the field was. I mean, when you expect puddles, can't a man get some puddles?!<br />
<br />
To the highlights, lowlights, and tear stained pillows.<br />
<br />
<b>MVP's</b><br />
<br />
Brian definitely earned a spot at the MVP table this week. Diving catches. Breaking shoulders. Kicking the ball. Hustle. Flow. Break dancing. <br />
<br />
He had it all. Soaring through the air like a dill lightning bolt, Brian had something to prove and he proved it. I don't know what it was, but I assume it was some sort of theorem I wouldn't understand anyways. <br />
<br />
PJ made his MVP debut! Two base kicks and volunteering to play the field. In his own words, and with pride, PJ might have been awarded the MVP for Most Improved, which I'm a-okay with. Game one, and he came out swinging.<br />
<br />
Fresh off a debaucherous weekend in Vegas, PJ didn't let little things like exhaustion and the constant feeling of wanting to vomit stop him from sharing the cool fuzzy interlocked icing with his co MVP.<br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>Highlights</b><br />
<br />
Timmy was a close runner up for MVP, highlighting our 4 run first inning with his in the park home run (the second in Kick James history, hopefully the first of many for the season) and by playing catch with an oncoming car. Still have no idea how the ball didn't pop, but it was very nice of the car to send it right back to us so we could continue to "enjoy" ourselves.<br />
<br />
Despite an upset tummy, Timmy also shotgunned for our challenge, very narrowly losing to the other teams Captain in a remarkably dry shotgun challenge. No spillage, no leftovers, no drooling, few tears.<br />
<br />
That was the start of our rough day.<br />
<br />
Good old one and done MVP Heather was back, now a full time Kick Jameser. Karma was out to punch Heather down a notch. Apparently she got a little cocky with her <strike>diary </strike>journal when she wrote about his last MVP performance, but Karma sees everything. It saw fit to literally hit her in the face numerous times with a very full and solid kickball. She didn't even have to move, it went right at her every time. Balls... right to the face. Her face is like a tractor beam for balls. Good ol' ball faced tractor beam... that's what she is right there. <br />
<br />
Smitty and Laura made their Kick James debut's with honestly, not nearly enough fanfare. They both quietly snuck in and did their best. The sun stained right field proved to be Smitty's kryptonite as every ball kicked to him was either 10 feet too far or too short. Well except for that one, he caught that one, and that's good enough for me. Good ol' one ball Smitty, that's what he is right there.<br />
<br />
I don't know why she didn't expect it, but Laura seemed a little shocked by our ice breakers, team lap, and the prospect of team stretching... she did get really excited after the team starving children joke... that was weird.<br />
<br />
Hoffy, who is a liar who says he can't play when in fact he can, made an amazing behind the back accidental catch.<br />
<br />
Shelley rocked out on the mound rolling in the deep all the way to someone like you. Writing that sentence made me want to sing loudly and cry. <br />
<br />
Even though it was extra innings, Katie had an awesome line drive catch. I think she was showing off for Smitty. <br />
<br />
As for the rest of us... we did fine. Sweeney wasn't there, so that is most likely how and why everything got out of control.<br />
<br />
That fourth inning, the inning we'll never refer to again, will go down in history as that 20 minute time lapse that nobody remembers. No details, but when I try to think of it, I just feel dirty and empty inside. Good ol' dirty empty insides Chew... that's what I am right there.<br />
<br />
<b>Tips for the future</b>:<br />
<br />
Stay calm and carry on!<br />
We get super excited, especially when teams just keep running, like these characters did. We love hitting people with the ball, but when we don't hit them we are, as a team, really bad at going to get the ball and not letting them advance numerous bases. <br />
<br />
Talk to each other and keep each other warm with your bodies. As soon as we started not doing so great, everyone got quiet and sad. Nobody likes emo kickball teams. Even Chris Carabba has fun playing kickball.<br />
<br />
Our undefeatedness made us cocky... hahaha cocky... Now that we've been knocked down a notch, we're destined to rise from the ashes like the mythical phoenix and NEVER LOSE ANOTHER GOD DAMN GAME! F'n Sweeney<br />
<br />
I'm still a little sad about the lack of hugs last night, and I think we might benefit from some bear, hunter laser in the near future. With all that being said, I know I missed some good stuff so spread the word and share in the stories that I had my head up my ass for and missed. Don't be scared, Kick James doesn't judge anyone for anything but totally fucking up on the Kickball pitch.Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-27018346203228586902012-03-22T12:30:00.000-04:002012-03-22T12:30:22.364-04:00Everyone is Pregnant!... and other Spring 2012 predictionsOh.<br />
My.<br />
Christ.<br />
On.<br />
A.<br />
Jumping.<br />
Jesus.<br />
On.<br />
A.<br />
Pogo.<br />
Stick.<br />
Cracker.<br />
<br />
I make a lot of jokes.<br />
Sometimes I don't take things too seriously, when I'm told I should.<br />
For this I would like to apologize to the Republican Party, the entire continent of Australia, and people who look "different." (shudder)<br />
<br />
But there are no jokes today. No jokes, because this is for real.<br />
<br />
I'm Kick James and I am back for a third season with some predictions that I can pretty surely say will definitely happen no matter what. If they do not happen naturally, we will force them to happen after our last playoff game (should have said spoiler alert, we make it to the playoffs everyone, surprise ruined.) while we're drunk enough to make the appropriate poor decisions.<br />
<br />
For the sake of our 80 person team, 70 of whom can not play or play full time this season, I will keep my predictions to the definite's of the season.<br />
<br />
<u>Former MVP's Division</u><br />
<br />
<b>Timmy</b>: Strong start to the season. Sexistly does sexist things on (and off) the field. A freak lightning storm during week six changes everything. A stray bolt sends a few volts through Timmy, giving him super powers. He runs, jumps, kicks, catches and does all things kickball even better than he ever has before. He's like Harrison Bergeron from the short story <u>Harrison Bergeron</u>, more powerful and attractive than anyone else in the world, but with one tragic flaw... the lightning bold made him allergic to rubber balls. They become his kryptonite and even being in their presence makes him sickly and week. He can no longer play... he is still our best player.<br />
<br />
<b>Katie</b>: Inspired by Timmy's lightning bolt story that he told everyone, (but nobody saw even though everyone was at the same game and Timmy doesn't seem to look or act or play kickball any differently, he just starts crying anytime kickballs are around, it's really weird, I think it's more of a ball thing than a kickball thing... what happened Timmy, what did the bad balls do to you?) Katie, with love for her precious chargers, and because everyone else thinks Timmy is suffering from some sort of traumatic disorder, shaves a lightning bolt into each side of her head, but keeps the rest of her hair flowing and long. It looks ridiculous. She punches 18 men while they are running the bases. Our opponents live in fear of the Violent Mohawk as she has come to be called. They worship her like an ancient angry god... it makes her giggle.<br />
<br />
<u>The ladies division... bow chicka wow wow</u><br />
<br />
<b>Shelley, Heather, Jenna, and Coops</b>: Though unwilling to shave lightning bolts into their own heads, the other constant ladies, as they <strike>don't</strike> like to be called, are inspired by Katie's bloodlust. They refer to Katie as Khaleesi and "blood of my blood." Over both fire and ice (Flaming shots followed by being iced), the ladies swear fidelity to Katie and promise to protect her for all of their days... on the kickball field. Off the kickball field they just feel bad that she has ridiculous hair. <br />
<br />
They spend another season being more consistently good at kickball than any of the other guys. Three of them end up being game MVP's and one is a season MVP. But who? Dun dun dun!!!! Stay tuned.<br />
<br />
<u>Dudes Division</u><br />
<br />
<b>Sandy</b>: For a brief, ill advised time, Timmy was "considerring" playing for a different Monday kickball team. Thanks to <strike>mockery, peer pressure, anger, death threats</strike>, encouraging words from his friends, he thought better. During that time, Sandy knew he would become the new best player on the team. There was already whisperings of giving Sandy the title, and now it was his. Envy, jealousy, diabetes, leprosy surged through his veins. "This is it," Sandy thought, "I've been in his shadow too long, now I'm on top." Sandy giggled when he thought the words I'm on top.<br />
<br />
Then Timmy came to his senses and rage filled Sandy's cold black heart. Looking for a way to exact his revenge and take his rightful place as best dude ever to play kickball on kick james, not in the world because the world is a busy place and soccer keepers are both amazing kickers and have great hands and probably better at kickball... lost myself there, forgot what I was typing... Oh yeah, during week six, after weeks of covert signals, subliminal messages, and k-9 hypnosis, Sandy sends a light shock through Timmy, prior to the game. The aforementioned visions, delusions, and his ball problem come to light. Sandy is on top... he giggles again.<br />
<br />
<b>PJ</b>: Determined to overcome the lack of kickball in his background. PJ started hanging out at GVP every night. Wandering from field to field, a lone kickballer offering up his services to anyone who would have him. Armed with only his year old cleats and a twelve pack of Busch Light, PJ ended up playing an average of four games of kickball a week for the entire season. By week 5 his calloused knees, fingers, and lips (they were more dry than calloused, he really just needed to drink more water and use chapstick) resembled that of a ten year kickball veteran. His skill level doubled week by week. His confidence was through the roof. He stopped wearing pants and started saying things like, "You can look, that's why it's out there."<br />
<br />
PJ spends the rest of the season in jail.<br />
<br />
<b>Jesse</b>: The big surprise of the season, you know, besides mohawks, mental disorders, and public nudity, is Jesse's wedding fever. It starts as a joke, he finds a veil at a garage sale and wears it during our second game. It's a big hit and everyone thinks is charming, cute, and very funny. The next week he added the dress. The following, he kicked in heals. The following Jesse wasn't there, everyone was concerned. The week after that we were introduced to Jessica, she didn't play because she was still in recovery. The week after that, she was back and still wearing the wedding garb... still kicks home runs.<br />
<br />
<b>Brian</b>: Brian's story of this season is long and full of glory, heartbreak, and triumph. He and his ever loyal companion Sinbad (he's a labordoodle) have many misadventures learning about life, love, and the worlds repulsion for a man who saddles and rides a dog that is not nearly big enough to hold him. RIP Sinbad. You will be a good boy.<br />
<br />
Brian also does a lot of great things for the kickball team, tons of diving catches. Makes people say, oh, that's just Brian, stay away from his dog. Don't touch the dog, seriously, Brian gets weird.<br />
<br />
So that's what we all have to look forward to folks. It's going to be amazing.<br />
<br />
Oh, what about me, you ask.<br />
<br />
<b>Thomas</b>: Nothing really. Just plays normally and hangs out. He writes a blog about it and every once in a while everyone says, "that blog fuckin sucked Thomas."Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-60653405190575343002011-11-30T09:29:00.001-05:002011-12-06T16:00:35.785-05:00A Banquet and a far far overdue blog post<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;">Cue the Sinatra music:</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;">Ladies and Gentlemen, the events of Thursday, November 17th's I'm Kick James End of the Year Banquet Extravaganza were neither extravagent or banquest-esque... but they were pretty fuckin awesome.</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><b>I'm Kick James</b></div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"> 5 - 1 - 1 Regular season record</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"> 0 - 1 Post season record</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><b>Simple highlights and awards</b>:</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRZ-YOEuXuP02V2Q5P9o1vgpIspEzvaF1bcFo_LbejnwCc8u5RuIOg2IhPgUB867_i09_MYk1vJaBwk62aScFcLQqQ5KEEZgq-g49y3ddV_vNmbVbEInTKlTBo2kej2MZOsNuIZp6Vnh8/s1600/KickJamesMVP.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRZ-YOEuXuP02V2Q5P9o1vgpIspEzvaF1bcFo_LbejnwCc8u5RuIOg2IhPgUB867_i09_MYk1vJaBwk62aScFcLQqQ5KEEZgq-g49y3ddV_vNmbVbEInTKlTBo2kej2MZOsNuIZp6Vnh8/s320/KickJamesMVP.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b><u>Team MVP's</u></b> - </div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"> - <b>Katie</b> - Violence, anger, alcohol, tiara's</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"> - <b>Timmy</b> - Magic fingers that brought joy and awkwardly titillating feelings to all of us</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"> - <b>Lady Parts</b> - Whatever it is our ladies had, the guys need to get some of that... oh, it was Estrogen and a Uterus. Can we get those things? They probably have pills, right? Sexually Reconstructive Surgeries are relatively common now, they must be expensive though. I'm not sure if my insurance would cover that for the sake of kickball. </div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><b><u>Paper Plate Awards</u></b> - </div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"> - <b>Pearson</b> - Paper Plate Award for Insisting on Having His Own Paper Plate Award</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><b><u>Ruining My Toasts and My Life</u></b> - </div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"> - Jim's clap... I mean clapping</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><b><u>Best Party Favor</u></b> -</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"> - Shot's for Tots</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><b><u>Best Slide Show</u></b> -</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"> - The Slide Show we played at the banquet... duh</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;">Looking back at the season, I would like to share the following reflections.</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;">- Our team is too big.</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;">- Our team almost always falls apart in the last or second to last inning.</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;">- Our team's drinking habits are far from consistent.</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;">- Our team's hygiene has been seriously called to question.</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;">- Our team really isn't that good at kickball.</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;">- Our team is genuinely the most fun and welcoming group of individuals I have ever had the pleasure to spend time with. Even with the terrible hygiene and the lack of morals or values, I wouldn't change a thing. When the Spring season rolls back around, I hope you'll all be able to to come out once again to destroy our competition by having more fun and being just plain old awesome.</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;">Thank you all. Not so much Jim, because of the clapping thing and because he admitted to not really reading most of the blogs. But everyone else. Not really Dave either, I'm not going to bring it up, but he know what he did. Or Gabe, no thanks to Gabe either. Really, Sweeney, Phil, Pearson, Coops, Jesse, Amelia and a lot of the rest of you didn't do much for me either. Hmmm... Let's just cancel the thank you section. Pretend I didn't write any of this and let's just go back to pretending to be nice about all the other stuff. Thanks, yeah, that's better.</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;">I'm Kick James and I have Restless Kickball Syndrome (It's a lot like Diabetes)</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Cardo; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"></span><br />
<table border="0" cellspacing="10" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">W - Sept. 01</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> MVP - Shelley</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">I'm Kick James (1-0) - 7</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">grassholes (nice folks) - 1</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"></td></tr>
<tr><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">W - Sept 08</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> MVP - Jim</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">I'm Kick James (2-0) - 4</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">at</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Sexual Meatloaf (1-1) - 3</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"></td></tr>
<tr><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">W - Sept. 15</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> MVP - Stretching</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">I'm Kick James (3-0) - 6</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Salinjerks (1-2) - 5</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"></td></tr>
<tr><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">W - Sept 22</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> MVP's - Sandy and Gabe</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">I'm Kick James (4-0) - 6</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">at</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Off in the Shower (1-3) - 3</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"></td></tr>
<tr><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">W - Sept. 29</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> MVP's - Katie and Pearson</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">I'm Kick James (5-0) - 5</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">at</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Kick in a Box (1-4) - 4</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"></td></tr>
<tr><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">T- Oct. 06</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> MVP - Heather</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">I'm Kick James (5-0-1) - 2</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Fluffy Stardust Bunnies (3-2-1) - 2</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"></td></tr>
<tr><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">L - Oct. 13</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> MVP - </span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">I'm Kick James (5-1-1) - 4</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">at</span></td><td style="font: normal normal normal 10pt/normal Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">You've Gotta Be Kitten Me (2-5-0) - 5</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Cardo; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Cardo; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><u><b>Playoffs</b></u></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Cardo; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><u><b><br />
</b></u></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Cardo; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">L - Oct. 22 (2) I'm Kick James - 3 at (1) 8 1/2 Inches... Around - 4</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Cardo; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">MVP - The Genesee Brewing Company for all the beers we drank.</span></span></div></div>Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-37672164089650981192011-10-24T09:19:00.001-04:002011-10-24T09:35:21.070-04:00... and then they drank<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The burnt orange Fall sun broke through the horizon as their cars left the city for the country fields of Crittendon. Seven of them had met for breakfast in the dark and, besides all the talking, silence.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All four ladies and the three bravest of the young men, probably most well endowed as well, were the first players to arrive at the fields. Picnic table secured, James, the only available umpire, let them borrow a ball. The ladies practiced their pop flies while the guys danced totally straightly and drank beers.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Slowly, as the morning sun continued to break through the clouds, the other cars and teammates began to arrive. Something inherently set our heroes apart. The newly slimmed down team of 11 might have looked odd for a typical kickball game, but the feelings were the same. They were Kick James and all the other teams were just along for the ride.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2-0 after one. Their undefeated rivals were good, but Kick James played tight... played sexy.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Highlights</b> -</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The pop fly practice paid off as Jenna called Timmy off of a high fly ball kicked to right center. Deftly securing it against her bosom... haha bosom.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Timmy's talent did not stop at being controlled by young women, in the very first inning he miraculously earned an out by spiking the ball a good four feet away from an opponent at second base. They didn't challenge, we didn't say a word.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Brian" our brave right fielder, started the game off super lazy and let a few totally catchable foul balls go. "I got here late because I don't respect you or the team, and I hate puppies and kitten's." Brian said as the rest of the team hurled allegations of a lack of dedication/manhood in his direction. He proved his point as he kicked a stray cat in the face. The bloodlust awakened something in the young man, and out of nowhere he became a right field playing machine who was suddenly not full of hatred and instead full of ability to catch fly balls.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pearson didn't hurt anyone except maybe himself as a high line drive shot straight over first base. Leaping through the air, Pearson managed to stop the ball, tipping it off his fingers just enough to bring it down for the catch and the out. He seemed to float back to the earth as if his feet had never actually left the ground and the 8 in vertical was just an illusion made by his shirt rising up as he stretched to reveal at least 8 inches of belly, including the button.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Shelley took a face and finger pounding (sounds dirty) as the pitcher. Stopping, stalling, or fielding at least 4 line drives. Two of them directly at her face. She almost broke a nail, but ended up breaking their hearts.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sandy lawyered the hell out of the ump, their team, the ball, his balls, and the ball again while playing shortstop. He was like a wall of lawyering and ambition. Jurisprudence his genitals!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Katie and Ashley did not get nearly as drunk during the game as they did directly after the game. Our two most dedicated rookies each played a great game and earned their mandatory Kick James Ass tattoo they don't know they need to get yet.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dave's beats and 80's Matrix robe made the morning and struck fear into the hearts of tens of people.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hoffy kept reminding everyone that his job was easier and better than theirs by saying things like, "I haven't been up this early since the Carter administration," And, "My job is easier and better than yours, let's play kickball." These quotes didn't help the team at all, so it's a good thing he played a solid game.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The seventh inning came. Some impeccable kicking, base running, sliding, filthing up of the jersey, and being handsome was done and another run was scored.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Up 3-2 going into the final inning... is where our story ends.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who gives a shit about the rest of that inning, because as soon as it was over and heart rates went down, the shotguns, and alcohol consumptions went up exponentially. We still cheered. We still hugged (but not enough), and we all went to Lansdale and drank our faces off.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Forgetting the fact that it wasn't even 9am, we blasted the music, made a fire, drank 300 beers, hula hooped, jumped rope, played catch, invented a baggo/kan-jam hybrid game and were all schnockered before 11am. There wasn't a W in the win column, but there was certainly joy in Mudville.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm Kick James and I had a fucking amazing season.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Post Script</b>:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm Kick James will return for the Spring season. Hopefully the weather cooperates better than it did last Spring, but even if it does not, our meteoric ascension from rag tag group of misfits to a rag tag group of misfits who are fuckin great at kickball will almost certainly land us back in the playoffs looking for redemption/another excuse to be drunk before the sun is fully risen.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The end of the year banquet still needs to happen as well. Everyone is busy, but I'm thinking next Thursday or a Saturday afternoon in early November might be the way to go. No, we will not be able to accomodate everyone, which blows, but let me know your preference so we can try to make as many people happy as possible. Those of you who are not happy, I will assume are miserable people who are reading this blog out of pure coincidence, as you are obviously not a member of our kickball coalition. F you dude. Go to H and S a D and then D you F'n D nugget S of a B piece of S Aardvark!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Check out the new poll and vote for the Kick James MVP! I might not listen to you and make my own damn decision, but it's still fun to make things interactive.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Send me your pictures! If you have Google+ I hear you can share them with me easily, but if not, shoot an email.</span>Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-82560559292684559272011-10-21T11:17:00.001-04:002011-10-21T11:19:47.501-04:00Playoffs are the new season<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">Good morning Kick James!</span><br />
<div style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial;">So no, we didn't play kickball last night, but we were still awesome at being people so I thought I'd send an email out. </div><div style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial;">Don't worry, I will include significantly less "obscure" literary references like Casey at the Freakin Bat. It's still ridiculous that some of you had never heard of that, but I digress. </div><div style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial;">Have I ever told you the story of Siddhartha (as told by Herman Hesse)? So Siddhartha was a wealthy... just kidding, though if you have never read Siddhartha, you should, it's a fantastic quick read and the only thing Hesse did that wasn't pompous.</div><div style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial;">Anyways last night was a ton of fun. Apparently without a kickball game it takes a little while for us to get the blood flowing, but a couple pitchers of shots, Sandy wearing a suit, piles of jalepeno queso, and chick fights to the death got us reeling. If you missed the chick fights it is because they didn't exist. </div><div style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial;">There was a lot of talk, too much if you ask me, about all the things most of our team is doing Saturday morning that isn't playing kickball. </div><div style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial;"><b>Good excuses for missing kickball playoffs</b>:</div><div style="font-family: arial;">None</div><div style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial;"><b>Bad excuses for missing kickball playoffs</b>:</div><div style="font-family: arial;">- I'm Maid of Honor in my sisters wedding (priorities... seriously)</div><div style="font-family: arial;">- I have to work at Magnolia's (Serve your own sandwiches Hipster)</div><div style="font-family: arial;">- I have to recruit people to come to my rinky dink nationally ranked technology institution (nerd)</div><div style="font-family: arial;">- I am buying a house and get a ton of free money if I take a class (responsible decision... for idiots!)</div><div style="font-family: arial;">- I want to spend time with my children, and they will not be happy outside in the cold watching adults play a game at 830am (fair actually)</div><div style="font-family: arial;">- I can't remember any of the other reasons right now, but they're not good.</div><div style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial;">But anyways... the times and locations aren't posted yet, but it looks like we're still playing the other Marshall Street team (still for 50 bucks) at 8:30. We have a small tight line up, which can definitely work in our favor.</div><div style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial;">Timmy, Thomas, Sandy, Brian, Dave, Pearson, Jenna, Shelley, Katie, PooperCooperScooper (she really hates her name) for sure. Hoffy is in for at least the first couple games, but if we keep winning we're going to need some help.</div><div style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial;">So here are the questions: </div><div style="font-family: arial;">1 - Do we want to stick to the small team and play it tight to win?</div><div style="font-family: arial;">1.1 - Should we play it safe and recruit at least one more guy and one more girl just in casies?</div><div style="font-family: arial;"> 1.1-a - If we decide to do this, Dodds or Christina, can you play? Theresa, can you and Kyle drive in from Connecticut and then leave directly after the last game without talking to anyone?</div><div style="font-family: arial;">2 - Nope, that's it. I am happy to play ironman kickball and I think we have a very solid crew for winning a couple games at least if not the entire damn championship, which would be awesome. </div><div style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial;">As always, KickJames is all about fun with friends and drinking at 8am, but since we have come this far a few more wins would be nice. I will take any suggestions or pieces of information into consideration and make my completely biased decisions secretly and without taking your suggestions and information into consideration. As always, if you show up and you want to be awesome and fun and better than everyone elses friends, you will play and be Kick James.</div><div style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial;">3 - Still think we might need to go streaking. </div><div style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</div><div><br />
</div>Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-5475248847367758622011-10-14T09:56:00.005-04:002011-10-14T10:56:33.376-04:00No Kickball In Mudville<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Hubris, Unhealthy Expectations, or the Ball is Too Small: </span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> A Scientific Analysis of Ernest Thayer's <u>Casey at the Bat</u>.</span></b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><b>Acknowledgment: </b>Up to four scientists were harmed in the writing of this blog. Ironically, no science was used or even considered throughout the process, unless you count Biology (if that's even a real thing), because I was breathing and alive throughout the writing process. Six in one, half dozen in the other is a phrase I have heard my entire life and only recently understood: It has nothing to do with this story.</span></i><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Everyone (besides starving kids in Africa, and probably anyone under the age of 14 because they're too busy smoking rock and playing video games) knows the story of <i>Casey at the Bat</i>. It's an old Egyptian baseball story of a hometown team putting all their baseball related hopes and dreams in the single basket of their superstar, a guy with a girl's name, <strike>Sandy</strike> Casey.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Afterward</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(a different sort of acknowledgement, as in I'm writing this after initial publication by about 40 minutes). Maybe not as many people know the story as I suspected, so check it out</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.baseball-almanac.com/poetry/po_case.shtml">here</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> or listen to it in James Earl Jones' rich baritone</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://youtu.be/X-2lXQQcXb8">here</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> or watch the cartoon here: </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/O2F0qC1-sa0?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Down 4-2 in the ninth with two outs, two scrappy players whom the writer refers to as a "lulu" and a "cake" (obviously some overt anti-homosexual context taking place in Massachusetts at the end of the 19th Century) each had to get a miracle hit to bring Casey up to bat. They manage to do so with a single by lulu and a ripping double by the cake. The people of Mudville are going apeshit at this point, because here comes Casey, portrayed in the cartoons as a huge dude with monster calves and an awkwardly curved spine, the savior of all that is Mudville.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The crowd goes wild. Casey let's strike one go by and basically says, "no thanks". The crowd threatens to literally fucking murder the umpire, they're so mad.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Casey stands and watches strike two as the crowd burns down a school full of children and attempts to start internationally known terrorist cells hell spent on murdering the umpire, all because of an F'n baseball game.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">But then Casey gets serious and there is some talk about intensity and violence and the poem ends with:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<dd style="line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0.1em; margin-left: 1.6em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;</span></dd><dd style="line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0.1em; margin-left: 1.6em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,</span></dd><dd style="line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0.1em; margin-left: 1.6em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;</span></dd><dd style="line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0.1em; margin-left: 1.6em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">But there is no joy in Mudville — mighty Casey has struck out. </span></dd><dd style="line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0.1em; margin-left: 1.6em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> (Thank you Wikipedia)</span></dd><dd style="line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0.1em; margin-left: 1.6em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></dd><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">So that's the back-story and let us begin with the end. Strike three and the loss of a baseball game literally puts Mudville into a standstill. No sun, no bands, light hearts, laughter, kids yelling, or most importantly joy. No Fucking joy because of the loss of a baseball game. What about the little kid who just got a puppy? What about the awkward teenager who most likely lost his virginity beneath the bleachers as Casey struck out? What about my cousin Joy who was always really happy and grew up in Mudville in the late 1880's? No joy just seems a little excessive.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Casey - an obviously fictional iconic figure who probably went home and slit his own wrists if he even made it out of the parking lot. He definitely wouldn't have if this was the story of Carlos the heroic South American Soccer player who missed the last penalty kick and lost the world cup and was instantly torn to shreds by the bare hands of the crowd.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">But back to Casey, he was obviously a douche. He let two perfectly good pitches go by and just brushed them off, despite the fact that his team was down by two runs, there were two outs, and he was being paid to swing at the fucking ball. He let them go, he lost the game, and I sort of hope his wife left him and he is the dead body the boys from Stand By Me found by the railroad tracks.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The Crowd - What dicks! They obviously take baseball pretty seriously there in Mudville. 5000 people came out to see the game. 5000 Assholes. Making fun of two gay dudes who actually did their job well (they couldn't find joy in the fact that two shitty players came through in a clutch situation). They expected one dude, whom they obviously built up enough that he thought he was a swingin big dick and didn't need to swing at two perfect pitches, to come through and save the day. Well that's what you get Mudville. That's what you get when you treat people badly and have unreal/unfair/unAmerican/undressed/unreasonable/unty expectations of someone and put too much thought and time into a silly game by writing long winded, pointless, partially underdeveloped <strike>blogs</strike> poems.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><i>Casey at the Bat</i> was meant to teach us that when you're too cocky you let people down, which can be true. It has taught us so much more though and they're all lessons about not being a dick. So stop it. Stop being a dick if you are currently or have recently been a dick. Dicks.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><b>Fun things that happened in my life recently</b>:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Brian "Brian" being really good at kickball, making awesome catches, kicking really well and helping everyone else make Phil look bad.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Katie molesting (only partially sexually) three dudes while playing first base and diving for a third out to make a perfectly Katie inning.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">All the girls I know (who played kickball with me last night) stepping up, being awesome, and being completely let down by the dudes. Shelley scored her first run, Jenna was stranded on second, Amelia sneezed and no one said Bless you.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Ashley (2) "Cooperpooper" hating her nickname and threatening intense violence on everyone. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">New Marshall Street mortal enemies in the vain of Big P's and Double D's, the Marshall sponsored team we met last night and will be destroying in the first round of playoffs next Thursday. They started out nice, became very Mudville like, and then left with their smug thumbs up their stupid faced asses. Dicks.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Singing happy birthday to an opponent as a team was very nice and fun of us and I think we can all agree that when people meet <strike>me</strike> us, they want to quit their team and become Kick James.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Too bad, because I'm Kick James and my roster is full... of awesome!</span>Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-41163939180303252782011-10-07T10:53:00.001-04:002012-02-02T12:07:50.709-05:00Saved by a Sasquatch<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Ever since Sweeney graced the field with his presence and more importantly and significantly brought Katie in to join Kick James, he has been talking about a mythical entity known as Heather. According to young Sweens this Unicorn of a "girlfriend" was smart, attractive, could read, breathed real air, and wasn't totally fictitious or made of plastic. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Katie referenced this golem of a girlfriend as well, but week after week she had to "work" or "hated fun" or "didn't want to get her new sneakers dirty, because they cost her a lot of money and she has OCD issues with dirt and cleanliness" or "she didn't exist." </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">But just when we thought hope was lost (dun dun dun ominous music) Down 2-1 against another mythical beast in the Fuzzy "Some Dumb Shit" Bunnies, a raucously tall, lanky, feminine spiral pink and yellow kickball team fighting to hold onto playoff hope, our very own siren stepped up to the plate. Two outs. Pressure never before seen by Kick James, especially when as she stepped up to kick she was reminded by some jerk that our entire season rested on her imaginary shoulders.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Using her fairy dust or glamour or something else I learned from watching True Blood, she made it to first. Advanced by the keen kicking of Timmy, himself an MVP contender with a game saving amazing catch in center field. An RKI possible kick by Phil, seen as some as a living legend, but seen by me as a guy named Phil I have no real connection to, sent our mythic mermaid merrily moving to home plate. The throw... it was going to be close... the ball took an awful turn in midair toward her holographic head, but superhero instincts sent her to her knees, awkwardly sort of sliding, sort of crawling onto home plate for the game tying run sending us to extra innings.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Like a laser (pew, pew, pew) in a game of Bear, Hunter, Laser, Heather instantly existed and killed a ton of bears earning her her first run and her first I'm Kick James MVP non-existent trophy. Thank you Sweeney, thank you for surrounding yourself with females who are better than you at everything (I assume).</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">It wasn't a win, but it wasn't a loss. I'm Kick James and I'm still technically undefeated!</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>I'm Kick James (5-0-1) 2, Fluffy Stardust Bunnies ( 3-2-1) 2</b></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Heather was obviously the MVP, or the previous 14 paragraphs would have been pointless (Much like most of this blog, am I right, am I right?)</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Seagramsing turned into some sort of Hard Iced Tea'ing and I, earning the un-MVP, based not on performance or skill seeing as I didn't get on base and I had a terrible throw that could have lost us the game, but on team chanting and group thought, which is why I pretty much do anything. I don't think any of that run on sentence made any sense, but the point is I had a terrible game. But when people chant my name and pay attention to me I do what they tell me to do, because I'm 12 and dumb.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So we chugged those sweet, cold, delicious Tea's and basked in our tie. It was so cold.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Honorable mentions and brief complaints</b>:</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Amelia made up for a Pearson dropped ball by calling off the two dudes careening toward her and catching a hard kicked ball like a champ. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Dave hilariously commented, "Amelia almost got slammed by two guys at the same time." I'm not sure if he meant it to be hilarious, but Amelia looked disappointed that the slamming didn't happen. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sandy got all Brookstone on us with his magic fingers in the field. Helping Timmy put an end to a crucial extra inning, proving once and for all that RIT graduates aren't total dweebs lacking social skills and athletic ability. They are total dweebs lacking social skills who happen to be very good at kickball.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Pearson had the option of being violent, but took the high road, which might have led them to winning the game, which teaches all of us the lesson that we should never take the high road and that violence helps everything in a positive way.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Shelley proved once again why Dave is always smiling by pitching a great game and nimbly handling at least 40 balls from the mound.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The real story of the night was Marcus (I just made up that name) our referee. Marcus had, shall we say, the worst night of reffing kickball this side of the Nile.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">At least 5 blown calls including calling Brian "Brian" out after a sweet slide into third base, despite the fact that his stomach was on the base when the ball hit him. That led to a lost foot race challenge by Timmy and Sandy who really had no chance because those dudes were freaky fast. Jim's energy and exuberance wanted in on the race, but maybe next time. I am just now making the decision that we need to go back to our roots as a boozing team, no more races that don't involve beer. Win or lose, we should be drinking, not running. Thus spoke Zarathustra!</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">It probably didn't help that after the 3rd terrible call we were all collectively mean to him, but when an umpire actually says in the 8th inning, "my back was turned, I wasn't paying attention" and still gives the guy the base, you know something is wrong.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Ties are supposed to go to the runner, but according to Marcus they go to Fluffy Stardust Bunnies... but I digress. We're still undefeated and we have clinched a spot in the playoffs. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Marshall Street was a ton of fun. Our biggest group showed up. 17 of us all together which led to a ton of tots and even more summer camp games.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Happy birthday to Don our fearless bartender who gave us a round of delicious free shots. There was a lot of chanting, a lot of toasting, a lot of interrupting the toasting, not enough hugging, but a significant amount of Bear, Laser, Hunter... which we should play constantly now.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Next week we start at 6pm and will need to bring our A game as we trade Bunnies for Kitten's and I would really like to keep our confidence up as we move into playoffs! </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So much fun, so much Kick James, so many people on our damn team.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Love them all!</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div>Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-84462416301112754222011-10-04T20:43:00.000-04:002011-10-04T20:43:07.818-04:00Four Days and 20 Hours ago...<div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The Proceeding quote and following stories have been fact checked and unanimously approved by the American Institute of National Facts and Made Up Quotes for the Sake of Kickball Blogs (The AINFMUQSKB for short).</span><i><br />
</i></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>Our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Genny, and dedicated to the proposition that not all men are created to play kickball.</i></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>We were engaged in a great civil<strike> union </strike>war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure a 5-1 lead. We were met on a great battle-field of that war. We had come to dedicate a portion of that field 5, as a final resting place for those who gave their lives that this nation might remain undefeated. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.</i></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>We should kick the shit out of everyone who comes near us because we are Kick James and F them in their stupid A's.</i></div><br />
- <i>Abraham Lincoln, 1492</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
We did it again! It wasn't pretty and I died a little inside (from watching from the sidelines (my old man back/old kickball injuries/vaginesque pain threshold) and from it being so close that my heart stopped working normally).<br />
<br />
<b>Final Score</b>:<br />
<br />
I'm Undefeated Kick James (5-0) - 5, Kick in a Box (1-4) 4<br />
<br />
They were by far the toughest 1-4 team I've ever seen. We also played as sloppily as the ground was muddy and Phil's shirt was streakily, and Brian's mouth was shot gunningly.<br />
<br />
<b>MVPs</b>:<br />
<br />
Hoffy joined us once again so we had the duel MVP's and a Seagramsing that almost left each of our MVP's in the hospital...<br />
<br />
Katie (almost hospitalized for alcohol poisoning and smiling too much).<br />
Pearson (almost hospitalized for Seagrams induced erection poisoning. That thing was raging and glowing pink.)<br />
<br />
Katie earned her bright pink mouth enema (gross) by getting super drunk, pitching for the first time, getting an RKI, and catching the game winning (questionable, but it's been so long, most of you won't remember what happened or weren't there at all) out.<br />
<br />
Pearson earned his MVP Seagramsing by being necessarily violent. Particularly when it came to Sandy who ran into him at full speed and simply bounced off our violent first basemen. Pearson's belly wasn't the only inducer of hate crimes (bellies hat Sandy's... it's a fact.... just watch Grease, it's all over the bathroom walls) but his knees and elbows also hate whiney little bitches (less of a hate crime, more completely appropriate). As a particularly scrawny Kick in a Boxer sprinted toward first, Pearson leapt through the air to catch the ball tagging the oncoming runner with both the soft, bouncy rubby ball and the significantly less soft and bouncy skin and bone of his knee's and elbow.<br />
<br />
The play resulted in a crucial out and an even more crucial black eye. Pretty sure the guy would have cried if we weren't there. He also made me waste the ice pack from the first aid kit because he was "too cool" to stop swelling. To which I replied, the ice pack is what's too cool you son of a bitch!<br />
<br />
<b>Honorable mentions and the crap I'm going to talk about Brian</b>:<br />
<br />
Phil almost pulled out the MVP by being a sliding and messy machine. Really giving it (as in the portions of the ground he humped) 110 percent.<br />
<br />
Shelley and Ashley (1) rounded out the ladies for the day (yes, only three ladies). That means they each kicked a ton and played the field every time, rotating between the 3 positions and impressing anyone and everyone who matters (me).<br />
<br />
Sandy tried to take over Pearson's enforcing job by blatantly tripping a guy who was running to third, but ended up hurting himself in the process. The guy went flying and was also probably injured, but he wasn't a little bitch like the first guy (the first guy probably tried to bunt too... little bunt).<br />
<br />
Sandy also tried to harm one of their players by aiming his throw precisely under their runners feet as he ran to touch home. Despite the fact that the guy was totally out, Kick in a Box or I'm Kick James, I really don't remember, called for a shotgun challenge...<br />
<br />
Which brings us to "Brian"<br />
<br />
"1 - 2 - 3 - Go" The supervising ump called out like a shotgun, signifying the start to the shotgun challenge like a shotgun of a challenge and call out. (made no sense).<br />
<br />
Brian was fast. He wanted it... he felt good... he looked okay... his mouth and throat had recently gotten a lot of exercise and were significantly stretched out. (think about it. Gross.)<br />
<br />
Done! Boom! Zap! Bamphf! The can, as directed, enters the waiting umpiric hand. Foam. Beer. Ass if you will.Drizzles around the umpires chubby (I don't remember) fingers. 30 to 45 seconds later his competitor finishes his beer clean and Brian loses... tragically. <br />
<br />
But everyone has a tough time every once in a while. Shotgun challenge 2! Epically called by whichever team didn't call the first challenge in an equally heroic/questionable/outrageous/close enough to call a challenge play at third base. Maybe.<br />
<br />
"Uno. Dos. Tres. Vamanos!" The umpire called. Brian knew he had him this time. All he had to do was finish his beer instead of leaving enough ass to satisfy Kanye in the can. He had beaten his opponent by such a significant amount of time during the first challenge it wouldn't be a problem. Just finish your beer and this half assed pansy goes down.<br />
<br />
Done! Boom! Shazaam! Leprosy! Vandalism! Lohan! Even faster than the first time and the can, as directed, enters the umpires skeletal and anemic looking fingers (like I said, I don't remember a lot that happened). Foam. Beer. Trades his ass for a white girl. Four to eight minutes later his opponent finishes, triumphantly.<br />
<br />
Brian "Brian" Lose-ner 0, the Universe and a little bitch of a terrible shotgunner 2.<br />
<br />
The team started feeling it and it was about then that Kick in a Box started their comeback. Hearts beat faster. Katie giggled more. PJ wore his cleats and talked about maybe playing the field sometime. Sweeney had hair. Everyone had a belly button and enough will to hold onto the victory.<br />
<br />
Kick James remains undefeated going into week 6!<br />
<br />
<i>The preceding events happened like 5 days ago and the author of this blog can not be held responsible for not knowing where his kickball notebook is at the moment or remembering the details clearly. He wasn't playing last week (which he obviously should have been, it would have been like 6-3 if he had been) so he wasn't really paying attention to anything other than Jesse hanging out in the outfield watching the other team, "I'm trying to make them think I'm not paying attention so they kick it to me." (Sure Jesse), and Brian do terrible at everything. </i><br />
<br />
<i>Please comment on this blog to clarify misguided details or add stories of your own. Feel free to enter a reminding topic and I will blabber about it for a while.</i><br />
<i> </i><br />
<i> </i><b>Epilogue</b><i>:</i><br />
<br />
Dear Brian-<br />
Even though you almost lost the game for us last week, I hope you know we all, as an organization, value you as a member of this team and society in general. Not many of us have the gall or the bladders to step up week by week to take down 12 ounces of glory in less than five seconds. A win is a win and Kick James would rather have you happily on the team and enjoying your heart out than be offended by the ridiculously hurtful things I wrote about you this week. They might be totally true, but in your heart of hearts you know there was no malice in the empty adjectives. A little contempt, some bloating, but no malice. I, as the voice of this blog, would just like you to know that you've got a smile that is seems to me, reminds me of childhood (awkward space) memories, where everything is as fresh as a bright blue sky. Now and then when I see your face it takes me away to that special place and if I stare to long, I'll probably break down and cry.<br />
Thank you Brian.<br />
Thank you for all you do for Kick James, and thank you for being such a sweet man child.<br />
Love,<br />
Thomas<br />
<br />
I'm Kick James and I want to go to the playoffs undefeated... how about you?Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-44101746723878278912011-09-23T11:49:00.000-04:002011-09-23T15:17:53.427-04:00We're Kick James and we just beat Off in the ShowerGreat team name and an excellent night of ball kicking and Seagramsing... more of that later.<br />
<br />
Some athletic partnerships, teams if you will, come together and dominate based on talent, teamwork, and raw power. Others, I'm Kick James for instance, relies on enthusiasm (thanks Jim), personal sacrifice (thanks Gabe's balls), luck, and Sandy being super fuckin fast. Like Speedy Gonzalez with a little bit of a comb over and a law degree.<br />
<br />
It might have taken us 8 innings, but a win is a win is a win is awesome.<br />
<br />
I'm Kick James 6 (I think), Off in the Shower 3<br />
<br />
4 and 0 baby! Appropriate, as our own Fordy had a break out day in the field catching what I thought was two, but what he smuggly reminded me was 3 catches in right field.<br />
<br />
The story of the night was really all the extras. A couple extra players as our good friend Hoffy helped out by hanging out at first base all night... casually stepping on and off the field between actually playing first base and then coaching first base. Only coming to the bench to kick, get a beer, and give high fives.<br />
<br />
Our new friend Ashley made her Kick James debut without a lot of fanfare, but with quite a bit of booze. So that's good.<br />
<br />
Two MVP's were awarded on the spot as Hoffy had a special surprise for the winners.<br />
<br />
Sandy was the clear victor for MVP one. Automatic as ever in the field, but really proving his worth after the other team "didn't have anyone who shotguns" when we challenged them on a play where Gabe was clearly safe on first.<br />
<br />
Side note - Smith number 21, our umpire, took kickball refereeing really really seriously, and I still can't tell if he was a complete douche or a good person. Either way, he is serious about kickball so we don't want him playing on our team.<br />
<br />
Back to MVP talk. A denied challenge is met with a rebuttal. Since they obviously didn't care about drinking as much as we did, they pulled their rebuttal straight off the 3rd grade playground. A footrace around the bases. Sandy at 2nd base, finishing his beer, their dude, we'll call him Ralph, he looked like a Ralph, not drinking like a dildo that doesn't drink at home plate. The non existent gun was fired (#21 really just said go) and off he went. Golden locks flying feathered and furiously through the air as the sun hit what I'm guessing are glowing sky blue eyes (blond hair, blue eyes, lawyer... it's like a combo John Grisham novel and Matthew McConaughey movie) and Sandy returned to second base victoriously! We were already winning! (We were actually already winning, because it was 1-0 at that point).<br />
<br />
Gabe our second MVP sacrificed both his testicles and chesticles in his role as DK (designated kicker). Recording three kicks, one nut shot, one Pete Rose head first slide that made Brian's slide last week look like a skidmark in his underpantaloons, and two runs scored secured his spot as MVP.<br />
<br />
And what was their special surprise? In Sandy's own words - "I'm Kick James and I just got Seagramsed" No Icing here folks. Hoffy surprised our victors with a bright pink and maybe bright green Seagrams Cooler. On bended knee (As sung by Boys II Men) Sandy and Gabe locked arms and took that shit down. I'm sure it was delicious, but it must have felt really weird when they instantly grew vaginas.<br />
<br />
Dave was the real victim in all of this, once again just missing out. Our limber fingered (lucky Shelley) anti-hero was this close (I'm holding my thumb and pointer finger about an inch apart) to earning MVP status. Five or six amazing catches in right field after showing everyone his glowingly beautiful naked body by changing on the field because he needed to come straight from work.<br />
<br />
Come to think of it, nope, Gabe and Sandy are still the victims because of the Seagramsing... a tradition in the making... maybe. Still, great job out there Dave.<br />
<br />
<b><u>Honorable mentions and other highlights</u></b>:<br />
<br />
PJ's first RKI! A great kick and a much needed run.<br />
<br />
Other huge RKI's by Katie and Jenna. All the ladies on our team keep getting better and better and are the cornerstone to our <strike>boners</strike> wins.<br />
<br />
Heidi was super drunk and hilariously talking trash from the catchers position.<br />
<br />
Sweeney's eyes literally murdered #21 when he was told he intentionally dropped the ball. Using agility and Irishly pastey skin, Mr. S. Weeney stopped a rocket of a line drive, but couldn't quite hold on. The ump's accusation of dropping the ball on purpose enraged young Dr. Sweeney, which resulted in his skin tone morphing instantly from translucent to normal pale white person.<br />
<br />
Impromptu mascot Daisy Chew did not like it when we were losing and almost pulled Katie into the field and gave herself a heart attack by going completely ape shit from the sidelines.<br />
<br />
I still don't know why Jim sprints everyplace, but he does and we love him for it... weirdo.<br />
<br />
My quads hurt from being awesome at kicking and third base.<br />
<br />
(Why is it when we talk about sports or stretching it's always your quads, but when it's normal life it's your thighs? Probably because if I would have written, my thighs hurt from being awesome at kicking and third base everyone would have either thought I was a Jim (weirdo, get it) or got instant mental images of my white, awkwardly hairless, muscular man thighs and would have had to close their doors at work or retire to the lavoratory for those of you in cubicles. If you're reading this at your desk in a classroom, I just hope there isn't a fire drill forcing you to stand up and reveal your excitement to the frightened children. "Why's it so crooked?" Is what I'm sure they'd say.)<br />
<br />
Off in the Shower's MILOMKT* deserves some attention as she had two rockets kicked to her, both of which she caught with her finger tips; Dave style (lucky Shelley).<br />
<br />
* MILOMKT refers to a Mother I'd Like on My Kickball Team as she was the lady with a month old baby and a 2 year old on the sideline.<br />
<br />
Marshall Street had a great crowd of KJ'ers and maybe the 4 orders of waffle fries weren't necessary, but they were delicious.<br />
<br />
<b><u>Players we didn't think about or miss at all</u></b>:<br />
<br />
The Vassar Brothers - Jesse, Phil, and Brian.<br />
<br />
I hope recording went well, but you obviously offer nothing to the team. You better show up swinging next week or I'm not really sure the roster will have room for people who care more about making music that brings joys to dozens of people and inspires friends to dance and enjoy each others company more than they care about a kickball team that meets for 17 weeks a year in order to drink and make fun of each other. Pri -or-it-ies!<br />
<br />
Timmy - Your job is going to be the death of our man love.<br />
<br />
Pearson - Your sore <strike>quads</strike> thighs, though initially the thing that attracted me to our man love, are going to end up being the death of the aforementioned man love.<br />
<br />
<b>Bonus</b>:<br />
<br />
We got a ton of pictures last night and I will update the blog and include a bunch as soon as I can.<br />
We also did a lot of toasting with all the eating and drinking at Marshall Street (that just means I talked a lot and begged for attention). My lovely wife was kind enough to record one such speech that took a strange turn for the racial That will also be posted. Stay tuned!<br />
<br />
I'm Kick James and I'm even more undefeated this week than I have been the 3 previous weeks... and I was totally undefeated those weeks, which tells you how undefeated I am now.Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6813008757540661742.post-88136763270023488292011-09-16T10:30:00.000-04:002011-09-16T12:14:16.920-04:00Bro's Bunting Bro'sSo those guys were a bunch of bunts.<br />
<br />
You could tell they were bunts because their vaginas were showing.<br />
<br />
See what I'm doing there, I'm using the word bunt as a euphemism or replacement for the "c" word dudes aren't allowed to say unless they are British (dude, Brits get away with everything!) or Louie CK (dude, Louie CK gets away with everything!).<br />
<br />
Seriously though, three dude bunts in the same game. All the dudes could kick really well too. I mean one dude was dressed completely in black, including his leggings (maybe they were jeggings) and his wide receiver's gloves for successfully catching 70 MPR rockets thrown by Peyton Manning (RIP, Peyton's Football Career / Welcome to the world, Peyton's NBC sitcom that will almost definitely be green lit within two years), or kicks kicked by kickers on Kick James (Still talking about the gloves). Seriously that guy looked like he was ready to play in an arena football league, perform parkour, or fight a bunch of other super scrawny and bunting ninjas. If they would have just nailed the ball, like the ladies on their team, they might not have lost.<br />
<br />
BUT THEY DID!!!! KICK JAMES IS STILL UNDEFEATED 3-0!!!<br />
<br />
Final Score: Kick James 6, Salinjerks - 5.<br />
<br />
They really lived up to their name, as they were a bunch of Sally's.<br />
<br />
MVP Award is tough today... let's look at some of the highlights, shall we.<br />
Yes, we shall.<br />
<br />
We've (and by we I mean I) picked no Timmy quite a bit for his sexist fielding practices. None effected more by Timmy's natural magnetism to the kickball than Shelley. Not today my friends... First, from the mound, Shelley pulls off some reverse sexism by fielding the ball cleanly, turning to second where Amelia, firmly planted on the bag, had her anxious, yet prepared hands waiting for the throw and the force out, (yes folks, this is another run-on sentence, try to keep up, we're still talking about Shelley fielding the ball and turning to make the play at second), but instead of the 6 foot toss to Amelia's ready hands, Shelley tossed the ball 5 feet to Sandy who was 8 feet away from the bag. Sandy, with his quick feet and excellent hugs, made the play cleanly, but not before Susan B. Anthony turned over in her grave.<br />
<br />
Having an intense and almost hyper-sexual connection to Ms. B. Anthony, Shelley tried to redeem herself and the women who suffered for suffrage when a high fly ball was kicked to right center field. A conversation had been conversed, and it went something like this.<br />
<br />
Timmy: "Shelley, I'm going to catch all the balls that come near you."<br />
Shelley: "Okay."<br />
<br />
But Shelley is a liar! The ball, soaring majestically through the air reminding me of Pearson's Apollo Creed shorts, approached Shelley at the same pace as Timmy, who was prepared for the catch. But with a firm and confident last minute "I got it!" Timmy knew what to do. A quick tuck, a quiet roll, and Timmy was on the ground, fetal position, fearing the wrath of Piles. It was unnecessary as Shelley caught the ball with ease, threw it to the pitcher and said. "Take that mother fucker!" (I assume).<br />
<br />
Sweeney, after admittedly taking it easy in his Kick James premier, stepped up to the plate both literally and figuratively. He kicked the ball, quite well, three times, and caught everything that came near him... and got there early... and drank a bunch... and brought Katie... and might just be ready to start hugging me.<br />
<br />
Former MVP Jim chose his children's health and well being over Kick James (MVP Revoked?), so his younger more present brothers Brian "Brian" and Dave "we need to come up with a nickname for Dave" rose to the occasion. Dave's unsure stutter steps are just a distraction and diversion to make the other team and myself think there is no way he is going to catch the ball, when in fact he catches everything. Brian brought the hustle and his typical good form, sliding, Pete Rose style, head first and completely unnecessarily with a gambling problem into second base. Filthing up his shirt and proving his dedication to the team and love of attention rivaled only by my own. (look at me look at me, I write a blog... what a dick that Chew guy is).<br />
<br />
In his Kick James debut, Pearson showed off some leg in the aforementioned American flag shorts, and his uncanny ability to catch a ball that is kicked directly to him. On the shorts Dan was fakely quoted as saying, "I spend so much time wiping my ass with various American Flags that I figured I should just cut one up, burn the scraps, and make it into a pair of shorts." Who needs patriotism when you have well supported testicles and warm thighs?<br />
<br />
PJ recorded his first RKI, but still didn't play the field, I don't think. Not mad about it, I'm just happy he's there.<br />
<br />
The bunt taunting had the Jerks a little agitated. I don't think they had ever encountered a team that was so good, but cared so little. (Except for Jesse). They managed to fight back and tie the game up at five going into the last inning. It was a hard thing to watch, but the infield did their job, excellent catches by Sandy and Timmy, I think, I don't know I wasn't paying attention because my heart wasn't beating like a normal person's.<br />
<br />
The ample crowd waited with bated breath. The Collins brothers sat in silence, probably holding hands with each other. Alyssa just looked really cold. Heidi and Katie looked ready for an 80's style street fight in their head to toe black leotards (I assume that's what you were both wearing, I don't remember). Gabe was also there, I don't think he did anything though.<br />
<br />
Bottom of the seventh. Jesse "subdued rage" has the opportunity for glory and immortality. Should he kick for another home run, or should he play it safe. Or should he do a crazy well placed kick just through the infield and get on base... yeah the last one, he should have done the last one. Good job Jesse.<br />
<br />
Ashley advances the runner... that's just what she does. Clutch team player Ashley. Thank you for letting me steal and hand out what was left of your beers at the end of the day. The cooler wasn't directly in my line of sight and I'm pretty lazy.<br />
<br />
Up comes Billiam Ford. Known more for his supple hands and ability to deliver children than his perfect kickball placement, Fordy made the split second decision not to light his cigarette. Instead he quietly walked to home plate. He looked the pitcher in the eyes. Called her a bunt (it was inappropriate) under his breath, and ripped an walk-off RBI game winning single. I think I forgot to hug him.<br />
<br />
Everyone sighed with relief. Phil peed a little bit. Lizz (Phil's sister), though not present, almost certainly felt the relief and joy of the win and probably said something like, "Hmm, it's chilly in here."<br />
<br />
So we won. Entirely a team effort. Everyone did really well. It got a little intense and our normal team inspired boner inducing energy wasn't quite there, (not enough hugging), but on a scale of one to Kick James, we were still totally a 9.5 and the other team was jealous of our raw sexuality and intense knowledge of Star Wars and romantic comedies.<br />
<br />
So now, on to the MVP... This week, the I'm Kick James MVP line in the blog goes to the team lap and team stretches. It was really cold out there yesterday, and if not for the lap and the stretching, we would have all surely died a painful and horrible frost bite/tendonitis related death. Even those who showed up a little late were sure to stretch it out, and without that dedication to our personal health and well being, the entire team could have caught the bubonic plague or been chased down by rabid badgers... who knows what could have happened. All I know is that it didn't happen. It didn't happen, not because those scenarios are stupid and ridiculous, but because we were prepared. Limber. Loose. Languid. Loquacious. Lithe. L-Awesome.<br />
<br />
We definitely weren't a bunch of bunts.<br />
<br />
I'm Kick James and I might just be a great kickball team.Thomas Chewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09607394454049968605noreply@blogger.com0