My pants are off... right now

They're not really, but that's how an old Blink-182 song starts and it's been in my head all day even though I haven't listened to Blink-182 in days... maybe hours.


Here is your latest update from the world of Kick James. A new season means weekly emails and updates. Tell your friends. Hide your wives. Hide your kids. Hide your purses, wallets, lockets, chains and dignity because you're in for a treat... or at the very least an annoying email every week telling you the blog is updated that you ignore like a dick.

Good morning best friends in the world whom I love very much!

Good morning Phil.

I can't believe it snuck up on us. We've talked about it. We've dreamt about it. I've made sculptures and written poetry that would make Shakespeare look like an illiterate liar. And through all that, we're finally here. Three days away from Kick James 2.0: A Shirt Aquatic with Kick James.

Brian "Brian" and I sat through the longest most excruciatingly boring Captain's meeting to pick up the t-shirts last night. (You're welcome you ungrateful pricks) I learned the following from the meeting:

1 - You don't have to take a public speaking class to run a beer driven kickball league.

2 - I never want to be an undergraduate student again, because of presentations like that one which reminded me of the worst lecture with the worst teacher ever in the history of class. F you Michael Chiarrello, your Clare College class sucked.

3 - Marshall Street can get too packed.

4 - Goats don't appreciate sarcasm.

5 - The sun sets at 6:48 during the last week of the season.

6 - Our team is way cooler, therefore "better" than all the other teams. 

7 - All the refs have apparently gone through Kickball Official training, which is both hilarious and... hilarious. They still dont' want to be yelled at though.

So the season starts this Thursday. Rain or shine we will be at Highland Field 3 starting at 6:15 pm against the Grassholes. 

I'd say we should get there as early as possible. I'm going to try to get there by 5:30 at the latest and I will bring a bunch of beer for week 1.

One of our newest recruits, Dr. D. Pearson is already out for a couple of weeks due to a pulled hammy in a kickball related accident. Obviously he did not take my advice to treat his body like a temple during the Kick James off season. I'm sure everyone else did though, but that does not excuse anyone from team stretching, chanting, hugging, and laps.

I have the feeling our non-competative edge combined with alcohol intake, raw natural talent, the hugging of course, and our ability to mock ourselves and each other openly is going to put us right in line for a championship season. Either that or we will play kickball and have fun and lose to douchy guys in purple camo without sleeves. But we will make fun of them the entire time and just drink more so it won't matter. You guys remember that one time we all had a great time, that was awesome.

So anyways, call or email if you have any questions. Only six people have filled out the waiver, so please do so right away or they won't let us play. 

If you have any questions or know people who aren't on this list, please forward it along and help me add them. If you can't come this week you should go straight to hell and never talk to me again. Until next week when I really need you to come play kickball and be my friend again.

Holler at your boy.

Your humble Captain and personal Deity-

Thomas Chew

Solid Addition

So a little more information for yins. The season starts on September 1st, but there is still plenty to do in the meantime. I still need shirt sizes, money, more replacement players, hugs, and someone who knows how to make us either a government recognized religion (no sales tax bitches!) or a Limited Liability Company so we can charge people to come hang out with us.

For those of you who may not know. Our good friend and lover nothing else, PJ Coleman has joined the ranks of Kick James.

Based on the following Facebook message I received from him this morning, he is going to be a welcome addition.

Dear Mr. Chew,

This level of irresponsibility that I am about to describe to you is very unlike me.

So there I was at work when my original Droid cellphone alerted me to an exciting new email. I immediately grabbed for the tired and war warn device. To my pleasant surprise it was a message from the esteemed Mr. Chew updating his kickball companions on things that needed to be updated. 
I read the first two or three sentences with building excitement. Tom has not heard from all of us; he still needs shirt sizes and money from some of us. I'm hooked, I want to read more. 
BAM!! The office phone rings. I set my antique droid down on the desk and jumped to action as office bitch/administrative assistant Paul. The call was uneventful. Some Eskimo was suffering from heat exhaustion in the Bahamas...or maybe it was just one of my customers wondering about their investments. Regardless, it was time to get back to the message. 
I once again lift my semi-trusty communication device from the desk. Where did the message go? I don't see it! I quickly search the archived folder to see if it was hiding in there. I'm heartbroken. The email is lost forever. Damn my old Droid for thinking the touch screen is constantly being touched when I am nowhere near the phone.
I return to my office duty deterred and depressed. Will I ever play kickball?

Tom, if possible, please resend whatever email you sent earlier. As far as shirt size goes, I am a big medium or a small large. If in doubt, put me down for a large. I can hide beer in the excess fabric. I have money now if you need it now. I feel like the cash should be delivered over beers with friends, but I am open to the idea of peddling my bike to your house and handing you cash. I thank you in advance for your time and effort. 

Oh So Sincerely,
Paul


Keep spreading the word people. Shelley has two in the barrel who look like good prospects. I called upon the Brodheads, Pearson, Dodds, Shea and various others to swell our members numbers. There is a facebook invite that I'll invite the rest of you to so you can start encouraging them to be incorrigible on the corrugated benches of the kickball pitch.

I just now noticed the option of being able to cross words out. I will use it. And keep cursing. Fuckers.

Definitely miss people and think we should come together much sooner than later, if for no other reason than to take PJ's money and then walk away from him without talking. Or drink with him, one of the two. Maybe both.

- Thomas