No Joy in Mudville (Redux)

Just kidding.
No more philosophically clever blogging for me. It's all dick and fart jokes and mocking those I love, give the people what they want, that's what I say.

The message is the same though.

I'm Kick James 4, Friends with Benefits 14
(Mercy Ruled in the 5th)

I didn't like writing it, I know you don't like reading it.

There were some ominous signs from the beginning. First of all, the sun was entirely too shiny and bright. On a different day someone might have called it "beautiful," but on Kickball Monday it was disastrously bright.

Another sour note. There were entirely too many friends there. My initial count had us at 12, but we ended up with a squad of 17. All those people and I think I only got two hugs.

The Captains meeting was entirely too long and there wasn't a properly ridiculous team lap and stretch.

Don't even get me started on how surprisingly dry the field was. I mean, when you expect puddles, can't a man get some puddles?!

To the highlights, lowlights, and tear stained pillows.

MVP's

Brian definitely earned a spot at the MVP table this week. Diving catches. Breaking shoulders. Kicking the ball. Hustle. Flow. Break dancing.

He had it all. Soaring through the air like a dill lightning bolt, Brian had something to prove and he proved it. I don't know what it was, but I assume it was some sort of theorem I wouldn't understand anyways.

PJ made his MVP debut! Two base kicks and volunteering to play the field. In his own words, and with pride, PJ might have been awarded the MVP for Most Improved, which I'm a-okay with. Game one, and he came out swinging.

Fresh off a debaucherous weekend in Vegas, PJ didn't let little things like exhaustion and the constant feeling of wanting to vomit stop him from sharing the cool fuzzy interlocked icing with his co MVP.


Highlights

Timmy was a close runner up for MVP, highlighting our 4 run first inning with his in the park home run (the second in Kick James history, hopefully the first of many for the season) and by playing catch with an oncoming car. Still have no idea how the ball didn't pop, but it was very nice of the car to send it right back to us so we could continue to "enjoy" ourselves.

Despite an upset tummy, Timmy also shotgunned for our challenge, very narrowly losing to the other teams Captain in a remarkably dry shotgun challenge. No spillage, no leftovers, no drooling, few tears.

That was the start of our rough day.

Good old one and done MVP Heather was back, now a full time Kick Jameser. Karma was out to punch Heather down a notch. Apparently she got a little cocky with her diary journal when she wrote about his last MVP performance, but Karma sees everything. It saw fit to literally hit her in the face numerous times with a very full and solid kickball. She didn't even have to move, it went right at her every time. Balls... right to the face. Her face is like a tractor beam for balls. Good ol' ball faced tractor beam... that's what she is right there.

Smitty and Laura made their Kick James debut's with honestly, not nearly enough fanfare. They both quietly snuck in and did their best. The sun stained right field proved to be Smitty's kryptonite as every ball kicked to him was either 10 feet too far or too short. Well except for that one, he caught that one, and that's good enough for me. Good ol' one ball Smitty, that's what he is right there.

I don't know why she didn't expect it, but Laura seemed a little shocked by our ice breakers, team lap, and the prospect of team stretching... she did get really excited after the team starving children joke... that was weird.

Hoffy, who is a liar who says he can't play when in fact he can, made an amazing behind the back accidental catch.

Shelley rocked out on the mound rolling in the deep all the way to someone like you. Writing that sentence made me want to sing loudly and cry.

Even though it was extra innings, Katie had an awesome line drive catch. I think she was showing off for Smitty.

As for the rest of us... we did fine. Sweeney wasn't there, so that is most likely how and why everything got out of control.

That fourth inning, the inning we'll never refer to again, will go down in history as that 20 minute time lapse that nobody remembers. No details, but when I try to think of it, I just feel dirty and empty inside. Good ol' dirty empty insides Chew... that's what I am right there.

Tips for the future:

Stay calm and carry on!
We get super excited, especially when teams just keep running, like these characters did. We love hitting people with the ball, but when we don't hit them we are, as a team, really bad at going to get the ball and not letting them advance numerous bases.

Talk to each other and keep each other warm with your bodies. As soon as we started not doing so great, everyone got quiet and sad. Nobody likes emo kickball teams. Even Chris Carabba has fun playing kickball.

Our undefeatedness made us cocky... hahaha cocky... Now that we've been knocked down a notch, we're destined to rise from the ashes like the mythical phoenix and NEVER LOSE ANOTHER GOD DAMN GAME! F'n Sweeney

I'm still a little sad about the lack of hugs last night, and I think we might benefit from some bear, hunter laser in the near future. With all that being said, I know I missed some good stuff so spread the word and share in the stories that I had my head up my ass for and missed. Don't be scared, Kick James doesn't judge anyone for anything but totally fucking up on the Kickball pitch.