Familial Territory

I'm puttin' it in the books!!!
They're new books that say Tuesday on them... Tuesday, the shiniest of books (Except for Tuesdays with Maurie... that's depressing as shit).

A new season begins gloriously ladies and gentlemen!

I'm Kick James (1-0) 11, Our Grass is Blue 2

It is no surprise for anyone associated with the formidable I'm Kick James Rochester Kickball club, that after Tuesday nights performance some lives were changed.

I'm not saying my timeline is perfect or even based on reality, but let's start with the highlights!

MVP's

Based entirely on in game performance, Phil and Renee got engaged to be married during the game! Phil has been quoted as saying, "You gotta snag up a pitch like that, yo." Abruptly stopping the game between innings, Phil dropped to one knee and fashioned a ring out of long strands of grass. Thank god she said yes, Phil is not used to putting himself out there in front of a crowd.

Congratulations to the happy couple and to many years of I'ming Kicking and Jamesing!

Close calls

Some old themes popped up throughout Tuesday nights performance.

Pride was torn from the clutching grasp of multiple Jamesers...

Pearson thought he was a lock for MVP, his quick hands, nimble fingers and lightning reflexes led to a one man double play before single handedly 1,2, 3'ing an entire inning. Phil hates Pearson.

"Brian" stepped into the Captains role quickly realizing it wasn't an easy job and that it is completely understandable that the captain praises themselves incessantly. First up kick of the season was the first Kick James home run of the season! I don't know what happened from there, but "Brian" didn't even get nominated to be the Captain... early signs of trouble for the new leader? Violent coup on the horizon?

Misogyny

Despite her recent betrothal, Renee was not safe from the sex based aggression of our very own Shandy (what do you think, should we make it stick?) who tried his best to peg her in the face with the ball.

The men of Kick James also must have done something to the ladies in the off season, as our very own Dingleberry left the team to "work", Sanchez had a baby in order to avoid the team, the Box Swan was nowhere to be found, Pee Ashley chose an Ivy League job over a kickball team, and Pooper Scooper purposefully worked late to avoid the game. We're eternally grateful for some...

New Faces

Kick James was decidedly small compared to it's typically ragingly ridiculous numbers. Audrey and Dods stepped in to offer their plums to the team.

Jamie also broke the reigns of his creatively stifling Friday Kickball Team to add some much needed Miller Lite drinking to the team

Brandon continues his love affair with the sideline, but wore a purple shirt to show support.

In opposition to a quote that may or may not have been referring to him, a newly inspired and huggy Ben fought through years of shoulder pain to prove his love for Kick.

Welcome, you've entered a new world, try to relax and just take it all in. Embrace the ambiance and ideologies, but whatever you do... do NOT pull a vagricept!

Ridiculousness

Amber Alert aka Jim is still the fastest to the sideline and it still looks "cool." We're all anxiously awaiting our first rainy game so we can get a showcase of those stems.

Reports vary, but the noble opponents had either a tuba or a sousaphone with them, which is awesome. Upon hearing this, Jesse "No Pictures" promised a mini Vassar Brothers reunion throughout all the leftover games.

The official wrote an official note to the Kickball League of Rochester citing the team cheer as almost certainly damning I'm Kick James for the rest of the season... and I quote.

"They were a great team. I loved everything about them and I really felt like they were going to take the cup this year. Especially at the end when they got together and said. "Good game Our Grass is Blue..." that was perfect right there. But they didn't stop, I don't know what would compel them to keep talking after such a perfect game ending chant, but they kept going. "... and thank you officials." What's that shit? They don't need to thank me for doing my job. That's some pandering bullshit. They had it all, but I'm really scared they lost it. I think they did a prayer though, so that was nice."

- The Ump, dictated, not written

The team reportedly became uncharacteristically religious for a bit. Who are we to judge though, right? If your team prayer makes total sense and completely makes you feel better about who you are as a well rounded individual and close knit kickball team, then pray away, two three times a game. During stretches. Between innings. Whatever! Pray away!

The showing at Marshall Street had some impressive numbers, but not nearly enough drinking, juke boxing, hugging, tots to go along with the shots, pictures, hula hooping, butt touching, or hugging. It's just the beginning... we'll wipe these cobwebs off and see you next Tuesday!