Introducing the uncompromising, unbelievable, undisputed 7 - to - 1 champion of last nights kickball game against the Grassholes who were a great competitor except for that one guy who was a dick to Shelley....
I'm
Kick
James!
Season opener MVP was definitely Shelley. Making her pitching debut and punishing kicker after kicker. Her grace and beauty were matched only by the line drive caught by Amelia "Snatch"/"Snatch Swan"/"Good Snatch".
The catch wouldn't have been nearly as memorable if it were not for Elijah, my three year old nephew, who was sure to tell her it was a "good snatch." Awwwww minor forms of child exploitation. Phil's nephew Reece was also in attendance, but was abused significantly less. They both giggled a lot and learned numerous choice words they were previously unfamiliar with... like snatch for example. They didn't know what it meant so I was sure to take them both aside and explain every possible meaning of the word and the plot to the extremely underrated Guy Ritchie movie. They both preferred definition number two... the anatomical one. (Elijah's words, not mine).
Other highlights: Sandy's seemingly quadruple play where he caught the ball, tagged the base, threw another guy out, climbed Everest, fought Polio, wrote the great American novel (he called it Kick James: A Life of Balls and Wonder).
Brian "Brian" didn't hit any women, so that's three out of six games without assault. He's abusing at .500.
Despite Jenna both calling for the pop fly that was kicked directly to her hands and begging Timmy not to catch it and to give her a chance for glory and kickball fame, Timmy made a really fuckin cool flying catch through the air in center field. Jenna's automatic catch that she definitely would have caught and there was no way she would have dropped would have been nice and all, but Timmy's thieving flying catch was really something to see. Mostly the shame in his eyes afterwards.
Substitute kickball stud Pat nailed the ball around the field and hurdled a rocket thrown right at him on his way home. Pat's heroics and acrobatic triumphs will be forever remembered as he leaves us for dumber pastures and moves to Boston for a job just so he can "advance his career" and "make more money..." lame.
I managed to slip on some dangerously wet grass after having probably the best kick of the game. Jesse had a pretty good one too, but mine was sort of awesome. Too bad, you know, I fell down.
The good thing, though, nobody was injured! Whether it was the team stretch and lap or the calming and soothing presence of young children and a first aid kit, or the fact that we're all in peak physical shape, I don't know, but we made it through our first game completely in tact.
It was a great turn out. A fantastic performance all around. It's only going to get better as the season progresses. I need to encourage everyone to car pool more often so we can all drink more. Drinking more is definitely a necessity.
Things we need:
More booze
More Loughners
More hugging
Lot's more nudity
A mascot uniform
More pictures just for fun
Less not hugging
See you next week ladies and gents. If I forgot anything, which is really easy for me to do, comment on the blog or shoot out an email and I'll make an addendum. You're great.
I'm not sure about you, but I'm Kick James
excellent
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