We're Kick James and we just beat Off in the Shower

Great team name and an excellent night of ball kicking and Seagramsing... more of that later.

Some athletic partnerships, teams if you will, come together and dominate based on talent, teamwork, and raw power. Others, I'm Kick James for instance, relies on enthusiasm (thanks Jim), personal sacrifice (thanks Gabe's balls), luck, and Sandy being super fuckin fast. Like Speedy Gonzalez with a little bit of a comb over and a law degree.

It might have taken us 8 innings, but a win is a win is a win is awesome.

I'm Kick James 6 (I think), Off in the Shower 3

4 and 0 baby! Appropriate, as our own Fordy had a break out day in the field catching what I thought was two, but what he smuggly reminded me was 3 catches in right field.

The story of the night was really all the extras. A couple extra players as our good friend Hoffy helped out by hanging out at first base all night... casually stepping on and off the field between actually playing first base and then coaching first base. Only coming to the bench to kick, get a beer, and give high fives.

Our new friend Ashley made her Kick James debut without a lot of fanfare, but with quite a bit of booze. So that's good.

Two MVP's were awarded on the spot as Hoffy had a special surprise for the winners.

Sandy was the clear victor for MVP one. Automatic as ever in the field, but really proving his worth after the other team "didn't have anyone who shotguns" when we challenged them on a play where Gabe was clearly safe on first.

Side note - Smith number 21, our umpire, took kickball refereeing really really seriously, and I still can't tell if he was a complete douche or a good person. Either way, he is serious about kickball so we don't want him playing on our team.

Back to MVP talk. A denied challenge is met with a rebuttal. Since they obviously didn't care about drinking as much as we did, they pulled their rebuttal straight off the 3rd grade playground. A footrace around the bases. Sandy at 2nd base, finishing his beer, their dude, we'll call him Ralph, he looked like a Ralph, not drinking like a dildo that doesn't drink at home plate. The non existent gun was fired (#21 really just said go) and off he went. Golden locks flying feathered and furiously through the air as the sun hit what I'm guessing are glowing sky blue eyes (blond hair, blue eyes, lawyer... it's like a combo John Grisham novel and Matthew McConaughey movie) and Sandy returned to second base victoriously! We were already winning! (We were actually already winning, because it was 1-0 at that point).

Gabe our second MVP sacrificed both his testicles and chesticles in his role as DK (designated kicker). Recording three kicks, one nut shot, one Pete Rose head first slide that made Brian's slide last week look like a skidmark in his underpantaloons, and two runs scored secured his spot as MVP.

And what was their special surprise? In Sandy's own words - "I'm Kick James and I just got Seagramsed" No Icing here folks. Hoffy surprised our victors with a bright pink and maybe bright green Seagrams Cooler. On bended knee (As sung by Boys II Men) Sandy and Gabe locked arms and took that shit down. I'm sure it was delicious, but it must have felt really weird when they instantly grew vaginas.

Dave was the real victim in all of this, once again just missing out.  Our limber fingered (lucky Shelley) anti-hero was this close (I'm holding my thumb and pointer finger about an inch apart) to earning MVP status. Five or six amazing catches in right field after showing everyone his glowingly beautiful naked body by changing on the field because he needed to come straight from work.

Come to think of it, nope, Gabe and Sandy are still the victims because of the Seagramsing... a tradition in the making... maybe. Still, great job out there Dave.

Honorable mentions and other highlights:

PJ's first RKI! A great kick and a much needed run.

Other huge RKI's by Katie and Jenna. All the ladies on our team keep getting better and better and are the cornerstone to our boners wins.

Heidi was super drunk and hilariously talking trash from the catchers position.

Sweeney's eyes literally murdered #21 when he was told he intentionally dropped the ball. Using agility and Irishly pastey skin, Mr. S. Weeney stopped a rocket of a line drive, but couldn't quite hold on. The ump's accusation of dropping the ball on purpose enraged young Dr. Sweeney, which resulted in his skin tone morphing instantly from translucent to normal pale white person.

Impromptu mascot Daisy Chew did not like it when we were losing and almost pulled Katie into the field and gave herself a heart attack by going completely ape shit from the sidelines.

I still don't know why Jim sprints everyplace, but he does and we love him for it... weirdo.

My quads hurt from being awesome at kicking and third base.

(Why is it when we talk about sports or stretching it's always your quads, but when it's normal life it's your thighs? Probably because if I would have written, my thighs hurt from being awesome at kicking and third base everyone would have either thought I was a Jim (weirdo, get it) or got instant mental images of my white, awkwardly hairless, muscular man thighs and would have had to close their doors at work or retire to the lavoratory for those of you in cubicles. If you're reading this at your desk in a classroom, I just hope there isn't a fire drill forcing you to stand up and reveal your excitement to the frightened children. "Why's it so crooked?" Is what I'm sure they'd say.)

Off in the Shower's MILOMKT* deserves some attention as she had two rockets kicked to her, both of which she caught with her finger tips;  Dave style (lucky Shelley).

* MILOMKT refers to a Mother I'd Like on My Kickball Team as she was the lady with a month old baby and a 2 year old on the sideline.

Marshall Street had a great crowd of KJ'ers and maybe the 4 orders of waffle fries weren't necessary, but they were delicious.

Players we didn't think about or miss at all:

The Vassar Brothers - Jesse, Phil, and Brian.

I hope recording went well, but you obviously offer nothing to the team. You better show up swinging next week or I'm not really sure the roster will have room for people who care more about making music that brings joys to dozens of people and inspires friends to dance and enjoy each others company more than they care about a kickball team that meets for 17 weeks a year in order to drink and make fun of each other. Pri -or-it-ies!

Timmy - Your job is going to be the death of our man love.

Pearson - Your sore quads thighs, though initially the thing that attracted me to our man love, are going to end up being the death of the aforementioned man love.

Bonus:

We got a ton of pictures last night and I will update the blog and include a bunch as soon as I can.
We also did a lot of toasting with all the eating and drinking at Marshall Street (that just means I talked a lot and begged for attention). My lovely wife was kind enough to record one such speech that took a strange turn for the racial That will also be posted. Stay tuned!

I'm Kick James and I'm even more undefeated this week than I have been the 3 previous weeks... and I was totally undefeated those weeks, which tells you how undefeated I am now.