Double the pleasure, Double the fun, Double the... is Jim Naked again?

We were all so wet.

So wet.

Exciting. Suspenseful. Action packed. Vigorous. Moist.

At the end of the night, after releasing a long sigh of relief, I'm Kick James took home the stutter with two w w wins!

There were a lot of highlights, a ton of hilarity, ass cracks full of mud, and a lot of tears (still not enough hugging).

It was too wet to effectively take notes, so here is what I remember, with the help from Timmy and Shelley and maybe I'll make some things up for good measure.

Something I'm not making up is how before the game even started Timmy made an ump move a field he was literally setting up in the middle of our outfield. Sandy and I agreed that Timmy's confident tone and ability to read people well allows him to always sound authoritative and even when he's wrong he sounds like he knew it the whole time, thus making him right. "HEY! UMP! ok I guess I have to go over there...."

Game 1 - The Battle for of Annie's Tears

I'm Kick James - 5 !Great Balls of Fire - 4

By all accounts this game was way way way closer than it should have been. A lot of S was T'd before the game and our heckling of one of their pint sized players might have riled them up a little bit.

By "our" I might mean "my"... I was sorta doing all the heckling.

The field was just that, a field. The grass was out of control and the rain was not helping anything. The ball barely moved. Shelley's pitching arm must be carved out of marble from the work out she had last night just to get the ball to home plate.

It took a while to get used to and in that while the bad guys were up 1-0. Infuriated, I'm Kick James went on a scoring frenzy spree two innings later, making the score 3-1 (it wasn't really a frenzy, it was just a good inning).

My Itchy Balls Feel Like They're On Fire answered back in kind, regaining the lead an inning later. 4-3. We were flustered. Sandy, in his eight layers of spandex including what was most likely Ashley's sports bra, was visibly distressed. I sat him down, take a knee Sandy, I said in my most comforting voice. Not on the ground, my knee, I had to say out loud because apparently kneeling and pulling my shorts up to reveal my thighs isn't a well recognized sign of come sit on my knee.

Now Sandy, I says, I says Sandy, you're all riled up. You're good enough. You're smart enough. Dog gone it, people like you. Take a deep breath and go out there and have some fun.

I think it worked, because I saw him smile one time after that. The mud on his face had vertical streaks under his eyes, but that was probably self made for intimidating the other team.

(This is where it gets a little fuzzy, because I can't remember how everything went down, the last five minutes have been a gchat conversation with Timmy and Shelley and none of us can remember the order of anything except that I flied out, so the following happened, but I don't know when, why, or whatnot. Assume it's all true and accurate)

The last inning brought two outs to Smitty who needed to keep us alive. 
In a secret pact, he and I had decided that I would pop out for the second out right before him so he could have the glory of drilling a double. Our pact was fulfilled and our pee brotherhood remained in tact. An undisclosed number of outs, runner on second. Katie up to kick. She might as well be called automatic, because you get a couple cocktails in her and she just goes right for the bag. Smitty ends up scoring at some point or another! Good job Smitty! Good job Katie!

A well timed challenge brought Timmy face to face with Annie's boyfriend, the man deer from the Fallout Boy video for Sugar We're Going Down. Neither spilled more than three drops during the keying of the beer (I say that because Trevor spilled three drops of his beer). One. Two. Three. Boom. Got it. Timmy finished with barely a drop on him four or five minutes before his opponent. Each drained their beer dry, but Timmy was victorious.

A few other things happened, but they were completely forgotten due to the magical aura that filled the air and brought a calm to the team. Some saw a white light, others saw pink elephants, a few people saw the ghost of Hoffy fluttering around like a guardian angel, others saw Kyle and Theresa shrowded in Jedi robes and glowing a light blue like in the end of Return of the Jedu, but everyone agreed, at the end of it Katie scored as well and we were winning. Thanks Jesus, the Mexican Boy by Iron and Wine, for being a good song.

They had one more chance to regain the lead. They tried really hard, but their challenge was answered by Brian's quick feet and dedication to diving on wet grass!

Kick James with the big W!

MVP's -
Smitty and Katie
Very very honorable mentions to Brian, Shelley, Timmy, and PJ who all got MVP votes and would have been just as worthy. Amazing game!

Game 2 - The Emancipation From Bring Tied for Second With This team Proclamation

I'm Kick James - 5 Balls Across the Toes - 2

The excitement still filled our bones. Energy was reverberating through our wet clothes and ended up in the 30 beers I think Katie drank.

The Vassar Brothers obviously hate Kick James, as they stole two or our best players for game two just because they had "practice" because they had a "gig" and because when you're "talented" you get to do things like play in a "band".

Our svelte squad of eleven was up to the challenge. Two teams, both 4-1 in the same division. Separated by mere runs scored against.  Meeting on a field that turned from wet to pure mud to settle once and for all, who was a better wrestler Andre "I'm Kick James" the Giant or Macho Man "Balls Across the toes" Randy Savage.

Right out of the gates Fezzik from the Princess Bride (Andre the Giant aka I'm Kick James) took a commanding 3-0 lead. The blood was flowing, the tension gone, we were ready to play. Sandy kept trying to take another knee, but the stakes were too high.

I really don't remember much of what happened after that to be honest.

So here are the bits and pieces. A double play happened at one point. That was really cool.

Katie was hammered and giggly and thought everyone was mad at her.

Laura kicked the ball, advanced the runner and then fell directly on her ass. Later, to remove the mud from her ass Laura sat in the grass and scooted her butt across the ground just like a dog does when he or she has an itchy butt. Contest : Who can come up with the best nickname for Laura based on her doglike dirty itchy ass? Winner will be announced next week!

Shelley struck someone out, but that might have been the first game. She threw strikes like it was her job, left and right, all over the place (note, it is her job). One dude wiffed right over the ball and that was hilarious.

Naked Jim ripped his overcoat making him slightly more naked than he was before. Everytime the ref, who was awesome (more about that later) announced the score and said I'm Kick James, Jim yelled out "No, we're Kick James!" and two of the girls from the other team thought it was hilarious all the time. They hated dirt and mud, but they loved them some Kick James and naked Jim.

A bunch more stuff happened. I got really dirty. Ashley had at least one RKI. Smitty did something really well. PJ fraternized with the other team and got firmly in their heads. We took a team picture.

Remember when Laura wiped her butt on the ground like a dog? K-9 reinactment:

In the end we won and made it look like we knew exactly what we were doing... which we totally did, right?

MVP's -
Brian and Jesse
The game was tight overall and the only thing that really stuck out was that these guys left. If they had stayed, who knows what would have happened. Thank you Brian and Jesse. Thank you Vassar Brothers. Without you not there, we might have all been killed by an intergalactic meteor or typhoon or a pack of rabid squirrels.Worst of all we might have lost. Probably not, since you're both really good and typically add a lot to the team, but maybe!

We also got this, so that's awesome. ---------->

Great night of wetness and kickball everyone!

Another double header next week which will decide the playoff race. Come ready! Come sexy! Bring beers. We play better with beers I think.

I'm Kick James and the other team gave me a trophy for being the best damn kickball team to ever beat them within an inch of their lives. Did that happen?


Amendment: Mike was, by far, the best official we've ever had. As Jim mentioned in the comments (which he also encouraged people to comment via his email, thanks Jim) he was so good he got his own high five line. He was very vocal. Very clear about everything. Extremely engaged in the game. Fair on both sides and totally came off like he not only wanted to be there, but was having almost as much fun as we were.

So good in fact that I wrote to the guys at Rockickball and let them know how well he did. If you want to as well, simply go to this link or the rockickball website and click on contact us.

I'm Kick James and I give credit where credit is due.