Everyone will hate it.
F you guys.
So this time it's going to be different. I'm not going to open my notebook.
Almost a week has gone by and I am going to simply write what I remember. It's going to be awesome:
I'm Kick James (2-1) 5, There's No Beer in Heaven So We Have a Terrible Team Name (1-2) 6
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| Pictured: Jess trying. Thomas looking svelt. Pearson's butt. Brian walking away... assumingly in shame. |
MVP's
Jesse tried!!! I guess I always assumed Jesse was trying, but he was easily distracted, like a 3rd grader. No, that wasn't the case at all. Before the game started Jesse took two large steps onto the picnic table, placed his hands triumphantly on his hips, Supereman like, and announced in his booming vibrato, " Today... I will try! You know, see how I like it." I hope he liked it, because he did awesome.
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| Pictured: MVP! |
Amelia was our other MVP, dominating in the outfield. Granted sexism played a pretty big part in the day between Sweeney and Phil mocking what the called the lesser or second sex. "I don't care if she caught those other two balls," said Sweeney. "I need to push her to the ground and steal this third one so she can't fully enjoy the glory of her inning. F her everyone, am I right?"
He was not right
Phil also spit directly in Shelley's face as he stole a play right out from under her. It was gross.
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| There was no dirt... that's just how fast Tim pitches. Also make fun of how much it looks like Gabe is pooping in the above picture. |
Let's see what else I remember...
Huge group at Marshall, let's keep that up.
Tim struck out by fouls, but it was still a strike out so that's hilarious. Make fun of him accordingly.
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| Pictured: Perfect form all around. |
At some point I think Brian got a sweet double play.
Laura showed off her speed prancing.
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| Pictured: The only victory of the day. Friendship doesn't count. |
Gabe narrowly defeated his shotgun opponent, but still needs to work on spillage opening his beer (classic Gabe).
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| Pictured: Form 2.0 |
Ben planted a grenade between the legs of a person running to third. Went for the tag, ball ended up between her legs and now they have a baby together. Isn't that how it works? That's what Jenna and I did.
So how do we heal this wound? We lost a game... not a big deal. Kick James is all about fun and we had some f'n fun. Most fun I've ever had in a loss actually, unless you count the post game after our first trip to playoffs.
I think we're in an odd paradox with Kick James. We have 42 players on our team. It's ridiculous and we're ridiculous... points for fun. We're also very very good at kickball. We don't necessarily try (except for Jesse now) and we still win games... points for competitive. As your captain (read: leader/hero/messiah) I see it as my job to help blend those lines. Not an easy task ladies and gentlemen, not an easy task at all.
I think I've settled on this: we're going to have fun no matter what. We are fun people, great friends, and excellent looking/super sexually appealing to the rest of the world. Our levels of talent, competitiveness and booze intake vary quite broadly so let's focus on supporting each other and having fun like we have been doing. Let's try to win, but we all know we don't need to win. When you're feeling too competitive... shotgun a beer or give someone a hug. When you're feeling not competitive enough, don't just throw your hands up and decide to screw the pooch, look at someone who is super competitive and think of how they feel and how hard it is for them to keep their anger boner hidden. Kick James is all about balance. When all else fails, hug someone.
If that doesn't work, you need therapy.
If that doesn't work, you should start second guessing the system... they don't know me, who do they think they are, get out of my head Dr. Reynolds. You're not my dad!
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